How did I get here?

So, I started this adoption process months ago, not really having any idea of what it would entail.  Before applying to an agency, I spent days (ok, weeks) reading other people’s blogs, gleaning as much information as I could about their process and frequently wondering why on earth these people would choose to share so much intensely personal information with the world.  I’m starting to understand now.

I don’t believe that I know anyone who has actually adopted a child.  I know a lot of people, but apparently all are either fertile or childless by choice.  No one, it seems, in my fairly wide circle of friends and acquaintances have, themselves, adopted a child.  I find that somewhat startling.  I know many people who were adopted, but none who have made the choice to adopt on their own.  As a result, I am constantly feeling like I am alone in this process. 

No one seems to really understand what it’s like to wait for a referral or to feel completely out of control in one of the most fundamental and important life experiences.  I’m kind of tired of having same “conversation” over and over about the adoption – Friend:  “Do you have a baby yet?”; Me:  “No, maybe I’ll be in the next batch”;  Friend (awkwardly):  “Oh…”.  My closest friends have stuck with me through more substantive discussions (mainly confused, ranting monologues on my part) on gender selection, child care, etc., but even with them, I have to say that it’s as though they’re not really involved.  I’ve had a close friend tell me that she would talk with me about childcare options “when the time is more appropriate; it’s far too early at this stage.”  Really?  I seem to remember her obsessing over whether she’d hire a nanny when she was three months pregnant, and it didn’t seem far too early then.

I suppose that my hope for this blog is that I’ll be able to share some of my confusion (and at times frustration) with others that are going through this process as well.  This international adoption thing is far more difficult than I had ever contemplated.  I look forward to getting to know some of you.

October 17, 2007 - Posted by Oscar and Etta's mom | Adoption, Vietnam | Adoption, international adoption, Single mothers