The crib as a feminist statement?
Last night I started to assemble the baby’s crib. Feeling like the empowered woman of the 21st century that I am, I read the instructions, sorted the hardware, located the power drill my dad so helpfully gave me for Christmas a few years ago (my brothers got the same thing, so I imagine he didn’t want to be sexist and exclude me) and very quickly wished that I had a man in the house to deal with this. I don’t often ask my male friends for help with physical labor. I’ve been single long enough that I’ve developed enough skills to handle quite a lot of domestic chores. The crib seems to be another matter entirely.
My child is going to sleep in this crib. Because of this, I am both determined to assemble it myself and fairly apprehensive that I’m going to do something incorrectly. I mean, my child’s safety is at stake, right? But what does it mean that I can’t even put together the crib without wanting to call for some strong guy to come and save me? There are going to be hundreds, if not thousands, of moments when I am going to wish I had someone beside me to help with the baby. And I know that I’m going to want to call upon my friends for that assistance. I guess I just don’t know when I should be doing that.
I’m the super-capable one in my group. I’m the one everyone else leans on, the one everyone refers to as the strong one. But am I the strong one because I don’t know how to ask for help? I’ve never thought that asking for help meant that someone was weak. I simply think that asking for help is frequently an imposition on people. Given that I already know that I’m going to have to impose on my friends, I’m reluctant to do so until I’m in an extreme situation. I guess part of this has to do with the fact that I’m the one who chose to adopt a child on my own (the old “you made your bed” argument – as if I’m a teenager who found herself pregnant). As a result, I think I should be able to deal with the vast majority of issues on my own. I’ll save my requests for assistance for the big stuff – the day when I’m inevitably bound to my bed with some dreaded influenza or worse – the day when I try to teach the boy how to pee standing up.
For now, I guess I’m going to go home, unscrew the pieces I put together incorrectly last night, and give crib assembly 101 another try. Please, just don’t call PETA when I put one of my dogs in the crib to test how much weight it will hold.
4 Comments »
Leave a Reply
-
Etta’s Hats
Where I’ve Been
You can do it! I just finished putting my crib together and, after all was said and done, it wasn’t as tough as I’d initially thought. (BTW — I, too, put the dog into the crib…but more for kicks than anything since he only weighs 11 lbs.) Good luck!!
I just wanted to drop by and comment on your last post. I too am a single woman adopting from Vietnam. It’s scary sometimes to think that there will be times when we have to rely on help from other people. In my group of friends, I am also the strong one, the one everyone else comes to when they need help and I often find myself wondering why so many people are able to come to me while I continue find it so hard to ask them for help. I have always been proud of the fact that I could take care of myself, that I didn’t need a man to do all of those stereotypical “man” things, that i’ve been able to do so many of them on my own as a strong, intelligent woman. So I definitely understand.
But choosing to adopt doesn’t mean you can’t expect your friends to be there when you need them. That’s what friends are for. We all have things in our life that we can’t do alone…and many of those are by choice. That’s why we build support networks around us. Your friends can and should be as much of a support and help to you as you are to them. So don’t be afraid to ask for it when you need it. That’s what they’re there for.
Shelby! Hello! I’m glad I found your blog! I didn’t realize you’re going to be adopting as a single mom. Good for you! I hope you get your referral very, very soon!
Missy, your fellow WC PAP waiting for a baby boy referral
PS I have had my cats on the diaper changing table (one is quite hefty) as a way to test it out so don’t feel bad about using your dogs check the stability of the crib!!
I had to google MILF. Oh!