We’re home!

Jet lag sucks.  Both Oscar and I have been suffering from it for the past day since we landed.  His is so worse than mine, though.  He doesn’t have the benefit of understanding that daylight means he should be awake, so he’s completely turned around.  We managed seven hours of sleep last night, which I’m happy about.

My house looks like it’s been robbed.  I have clothes, toys, food and all kinds of other stuff spread from one room to the next.  It’s hard to find a single surface that is not covered in debris.  Even so, it’s really great to be home.  

Thank you all for your comments and email.  I wasn’t expecting such a warm response to my last post.  I’m extremely touched that you understand where I was coming from.

For those of you who have asked about logistics, etc., I’ll try to post more later, but I thought I should mention a few things you might want to consider.  I think I would be irresponsible if I were to encourage everyone to go do what I did.  One of the benefits of being single (aside from the fact that I don’t have to be frustrated with a husband who ignores the fact that it’s his turn to change a dirty diaper) is that I have an immense amount of flexibility.  It’s a lot easier for someone like me to pick up and go to Vietnam than it is for families with kids.  I also am lucky enough to work for a company that would be able to let me work outside the US if need be.  Mostly, though, I was lucky enough not to be in a “blocked” province, so while there was still a risk of a NOID, it did not seem as likely as it could have been in another province.  Not everyone has these advantages.

I think there’s a possibility that any of us could get a NOID.  Not getting into the my agency is more ethical argument, but until you have a visa, your visa application can be denied.  If you’re considering traveling without approval, you should think very seriously about what you would do in that situation.  Would you become an ex-pat?  Where would you live?  I had a country in mind where my company could assist me with a work permit and Oscar with a residence permit, and I would not have gone without this back-up plan.  My plan was to fight any NOID issued to me, and I felt more confident after obtaining legal advice about the process.

There are downsides to what I did as well.  A prolonged stay in Asia is pricey.  If you live like the Vietnamese, it’s not that bad, but of course, I stayed in western hotels, etc. and that adds up.  There’s also a feeling of detachment.  After a few weeks you don’t really feel like a tourist, but I never fully felt like I was part of a community there, either.  I felt as though we were in a perpetual state of limbo.  Skype is helpful, but it was tough being a new mother with a baby who didn’t like me at all and not having a support system around me.  Not that I’m complaining.  I was truly happy to have the opportunity to do what I did.  I’m just trying to give a fuller explanation of what I did and the less positive aspects of the trip.  I’m very independent, and I think that it’s possible that others might have a little more difficulty with this than I did (and it was difficult for me).  

I would also caution those considering doing what I did to talk with a lawyer prior to going.  There’s a well-known attorney who handles NOID cases.  I don’t know her thoughts on word-of-mouth advertising online, so I’m not going to name her here, but I can give you contact info if you PM me.  

More later after the adorable little monster has had a bottle, but I know some of you are contemplating a similar trip and I thought I should mention some of these considerations.

April 25, 2008 - Posted by Oscar and Etta's mom | Adoption, Waiting | Adoption, I-600, jet lag, travel, Vietnam, visa approval, waiting it out