More from the peanut gallery
I told my best friend at work today that I am going to adopt again. We had a long conversation about my frustration with the fact that my family planning is being considered as a factor in whether to make me a partner. Last time I checked, that’s sort of illegal. Long story short, his feedback was that I should wait until I make partner (2 years at the earliest).
I don’t want to wait. When I make a decision to do something; it’s time for me to do it. I feel compelled to have another child soon. I feel it in the same way that I was compelled to complete my dossier for Oscar. I imagine it sounds hokie, but I believe I was meant to be Oscar’s mom. Had I not submitted my dossier at the exact time I did, he would be with another family. I feel the same about this child. That I’m supposed to be working on this dossier now. Not in the same frenetic way I worked on Oscar’s dossier, but definitely should be doing it at this time. Crazy, hmm?
I also find it interesting that so many people of the very few people who know about this decision are very comfortable telling me that I shouldn’t adopt from Ethiopia. I don’t think I understand that. Is it because of racism? The fear of HIV/AIDs? No one ever said a thing about my decision to adopt from Vietnam. Is it more acceptable for a white woman to adopt an Asian baby than an African one? I’m not sure where this comes from.
Regardless, I had my home visit yesterday. I didn’t obsessively clean the house, and my social worker was as lovely as ever. She called Oscar “delicious,” which just capitvated me. Strangely, though, even she suggested I seriously consider another country. I don’t think she has anything against Ethiopia, but I found it odd that again I’m being told to look elsewhere. Are these opinions I should be considering? I’ll have to think on this a while.
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Etta’s Hats
Where I’ve Been
When we started telling people we were going to adopt from Ethiopia people always had something to say about the race thing and Aids… When we were going to adopt from Vietnam people had only nice things to say. It was difficult getting used to the diffrence… Now it doesn’t phase me at all, I know our baby is in Ethiopia.
When I realized my Vietnam adoption wasn’t going to happen, I looked at Ethiopia as an option. That was a good six or so months ago. Even then, there were rumblings of problems with US adoptions in ET. Some Americans were going there and behaving badly — flaunting their Americanism, coming in as “saviors” so to speak. Some were rude. There also have been consistent rumors that ET will change adoption law and forbid singles from adopting. I’ve heard rumors, too, that ET is going the way of VN as far as corruption and problems with the US because of the influx of Americans wanting to adopt there as other countries close or become more restrictive (VN, China, Korea, etc.). I think if you want to adopt from ET, you have to move quickly. Wait times have been steadily increasing. A few reputable agencies I contacted had wait times of two years for babies under 12 months. I’m not trying to discourage you because I still think about ET myself (I adopted domestically almost five months ago). I’d love to adopt from ET! Sadly, I think some people do have less of a racial issue with VN adoptions (or Asian adoptions in general) than with ET adoptions (or African-American adoptions in general). There’s been a lot of discussion about that online. I would ask your social worker why she said what she did, though. Maybe she’s heard rumblings about ET, too. On the other hand, there aren’t many other countries available to singles now….
Jennifer G.
http://www.thisisnow.org
Hey! One of my good friends at work just adopted a son from Ethiopia and they had a great experience and their son is just wonderful! I’ll send you a private email today and maybe you could have a coversation with him about Ethiopia. They love their baby so much and everyone around them has been great about him and him being of a different race hasn’t been an issue (and we’re in the south!!). I’ll be in touch!
Felicia
I do think race is an issue. We did not get the same kind of reaction when we told people we were looking into domestic biracial or AA adoption as we did when we adopted from Vietnam. It wasn’t overt, but it was there. People said things like, “Why don’t you just go to Vietnam again?” or “Have you thought about doing fertility treatments again?”