Not just another river in Egypt
In the past 24 hours I’ve supplemented my already decent knowledge of autism with a surplus of information. What I’ve taken away from all of this is this – there is absolutely no way for me to get comfortable with whether or not Oscar is autistic and there won’t be any comfort for a while. As a result, I’ve decided to pretend the entire thing didn’t happen. I’m still going to raise my concerns with the pediatrician next week and I’m still going to fight tooth and nail to get a referral to early intervention. I’m just not going to use the A word. Too scary and possibly just wrong.
Oscar’s delays could be just that – developmental delays. There are many reasons why he could be delayed – starting with the fact that he was institutionalized for seven months. Let’s also not forget the Eye Thing. Who knows whether the flickering is actually impacting his vision, but it could be. If so, then there’s yet another reason why he might not be pointing. So, there it is, a fairly well-crafted justification of why I’m no longer concerned that the traits my child is exhibiting might fall on a certain spectrum. Works for me.
Autism
I just had a horrible interaction with Nanny Norma. Oscar has been going through a strange patch for the past two weeks. Every afternoon he becomes quite frustrated, crying very easily. It usually goes away easily enough with a bath, but he just hasn’t been his happy self. She and I were talking and she asked if I knew of autism. Of course, I say, sort of dreading what comes next. She explains how she worked for a family with a little girl with autism and that maybe we should look into whether Oscar might have some autistic tendencies. In fact, she recommended I go onto the internet and research the symptoms of autism.
What’s the normal reaction to something like this? I would have to be a fool if I had not already done some research on autism. Oscar has some developmental delays; I’ve noticed that some of them are the same as some of the early symptoms of autism – he doesn’t point at toys, he walks on his tiptoes at times, he can spend long periods of time doing the same thing over and over again (like drawing, his new skill), and he doesn’t speak (babbles a little, but only infrequently uses his one and only word “mama”). I now feel physically ill. At least I have an appointment with his pediatrician next week. Seriously, I feel like vomiting again.
My super day
So, single moms of toddlers out there, have you ever wondered what would happen if you were to become violently ill during the waking hours of your child? I awoke to a migraine this morning, which I was able to keep under control under around noon when the nausea became less of a threat and far more of a reality. Knowing my little monster would have a holy fit if I were to leave him in the playroom while I rid myself of the Sprite I had had for brunch, I scooped him up and took him with me. I’ll spare you some of the details, but Oscar didn’t play with the scale as I had hoped (“look, it beeps,” I croaked out while pushing him towards it). No, he decided it would be far more fun to try to catch whatever it was that was flying out of mom’s mouth and nose. Good times. Here’s to hoping tonight is better.
Happy new year
It’s a new year in Ethiopia, so I thought I’d pass along a link to some amazingly beautiful photographs of the country and its people (and some very nice camels as well).
The name
Oscar’s real name was quite simple for me to choose. I’m having a harder time coming up with his sister’s name. Any suggestions?
I’m currently thinking of:
- Hadley Piper (was my favorite until I found out that Palin’s daughter is named Piper, making it likely that Piper will become more popular, and therefore unacceptable to me)
- Olivia (again, too popular, along with Isabelle, which I also love because of the “Izzie” option)
- Schuyler (or Skylar)
- Sabrina (one of my favorite characters in one of my favorite films)
- Parker
- Harper (I don’t know why I like this)
- Morgan
- Sloane
- Peyton
- Ella (love, but again . . .)
- Addis (pronounced Addie)
*** And the winner? Sabrina. I just think it’s pretty, and we can call her Bree (not Brie, like the cheese). I will, of course, be deleting all references to her real name soon and will refer to her with a code name (like Oscar’s), but thanks to all of you who contributed!
Outsourcing
Is it bad that I’m outsourcing getting my dossier authenticated? For those of you who have never adopted, you’re required to put together a dossier full of documents. Each of these documents usually needs to be notarized, then you have to take the notarized documents to the county court house and get them certified and then you take them to the Secretary of State, where they’re authenticated (although my terminology could be incorrect). Last time, for Oscar, this required me to make three trips to the court house and two trips to the Secretary of State. This time, I’d just rather not do it.
I’m going to make the trip to one court house to get 15 of my documents done tomorrow, but I’m outsourcing the rest to the traveling notary who will meet me on Tuesday to get my police clearance. He’ll take the docs that need to go through the process in SF all the way through to the Secretary of State. Does this mean that somehow I’m less engaged in this process, or does it just mean that I’m smarter about protecting my time?
So sleepy
Nanny Norma is encouraging me to let Oscar sleep in his crib, perhaps even in her room. He’s going through a bad phase now where he’s awake at least 4-5 times every night. Part of the problem is the size of the bed (queen), part is the fact we have two dogs, both of whom sleep on the bed, part is that Oscar likes to fan himself out, rubbing his arms and legs back and forth (envision making a snow angel) to ensure that no one / nothing is within reach of him while he’s asleep, and part is that since I’m at work during the day, he uses the night to spend time with me (touching my face, using me as a pillow, etc.). I’m conflicted. Since I am at work during the day, I like the bonding time at night, but I understand that it might not be doing him a lot of good. He’s very tired during the day and kind of grouchy. He can barely keep himself awake past 6:00 pm each evening.
Before I got him, I never imagined that I would do the co-sleeping thing. Honestly, if he had let me when I first got him, I would have put him in a crib immediately. That just wasn’t happening, though. It’s still tough for me to get him back to sleep in his crib if he awakens long enough to realize it’s me holding him or patting his back. Hence, NN’s suggestion to let him sleep in her room for a while (so she can pat his back and hopefully he’ll stay asleep without the “oh, it’s mommy!” reaction (which you know I love deep down)).
I just don’t know. Is it better for him to get a well-rested night’s sleep or to have me spend time with him for the time we’re both in the bed together?
Trepidation
I find myself at a bit of a crossroads. I’m almost finished with my dossier for Ethiopia. When I submit this to my agency (sans homestudy, which I’ve already discussed how that is holding me back – today’s news was that they also want a urine sample – this after I’ve had every blood test imaginable done and the most thorough physical of my life), I’ll pay the first big agency fee. I think we’ve seen how I’m not so thrifty, but writing the agency and international fee checks are a big deal to me. What concerns me is that for a long time there have been rumors about how the rules might be changing there vis-a-vis singles. Nothing official has been announced, and some agencies scoff at the rumors. However, I’ve just adopted from VN, where hundreds of PAPs are out thousands of dollars because of the shutdown.
Here’s the thing. Adoption agencies provide a service; they don’t provide a guarantee of a child. I know that; I appreciate it; I agree with the statement. Adoption is not the same as buying a commodity and my case manager is not a saleswoman. The agency is simply helping me through the process. But I must say that I’m feeling not a little trepidation here. Part of this is simply what just happened in Vietnam (VN closed its doors to adoptions by Americans leaving hundreds of people without children after paying thousands of dollars). Before last fall I figured the chance that someone might be in a position like that was almost nil. Not exactly the case.
So, I’m going to finish up my dossier and wait on my homestudy, hoping that in the next week (I hope) that it takes my agency to finalize the document that there aren’t any rule changes. Am I walking into a nightmare here?
It’s official
I’m one of the world’s leading consumers. My dossier is not even certified yet (just waiting for my homestudy to be notarized) and I’ve been shopping. I fear this is only the beginning of a very expensive few months as I wait for my referral and court date . . .
I can’t even pretend that this is something that she’ll need at any point in the next few years (okay, ever). But it looks so pretty hanging on my armoire . . .
Spot the first-time mom
Yeah, I know it’s only the second week of September, but I’ve been getting catalogs with costumes in them for the past month. Any opinions on the following costumes for Oscar’s first Halloween? Obviously, I would be thrilled if I could locate a decent costume of Oscar the Grouch, his namesake. No such luck yet, sadly. Would one of these work?
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Etta’s Hats
Where I’ve Been
