Baby Bella – Team Mom Review
“Happy” Halloween
I managed to break free of my deal for a few hours and run home (my trip was cancelled, as everyone thought it would be more efficient to work round the clock here instead of losing 6 hours in transit before I worked round the clock in Boston) to see Oscar on Halloween. I’m sure I broke a bunch of mom rules, but I forced him to put on the costume he had chosen (Mickey Mouse – why, I’m not sure as he doesn’t even like Mickey Mouse cartoons) for some pictures. Not a great idea. He’s getting his second molar, hasn’t seen his mom in a couple of days and is generally cranky. Perhaps not his happiest Halloween, but it’s a start.
Genetic testing
I’m currently waiting on results of genetic testing I had done on me. There are a few companies out there that do DNA tests on individuals to tell you your genetic disposition for certain traits / medical issues. It’s not dispositive, of course, but I thought it would be interesting to know.
It’s made me seriously consider whether I’ll have it done on Oscar as well. The kits aren’t for use on kids younger than three, but I’m really thinking it might be helpful to have the information when he’s older. Given that I do not have any information on his medical history from his birth parents, I wonder if it would be better to know what he’s genetically disposed to acquiring. I’m not a hypochondriac, so I don’t think I’d be obsessed in that manner – I’m more concerned about the things I don’t know. I know my family has an issue with heart disease. I’m trying to have a healthier lifestyle to optimize my health in that regard. If he’s predisposed to certain maladies, would it be better to know about them and try to prevent them (to the extent they’re preventable), or should I just leave it alone?
A crap-filled day
I knew today wasn’t going to be great. I found out late yesterday that I was going to have to fly across the country to work on a deal non-stop for the next few days (leaving my beloved Oscar at home with his beloved Nanny Norma) AND that my father was going to have an angioplasty. The work news also meant that I couldn’t take Oscar to the Midwest to see my parents this weekend as we had planned. I was up almost all night racing around packing, worrying and coughing up a lung. I did tell you I have pneumonia, right? Right. Well, off I went to the office and found out that we were going to spend the entire day on the phone, missing my flight, which means I now get the utter bliss of the red-eye, followed by a hard day of negotiations. The cherry on my glorious day? My dad did not have to have an angioplasty. He gets to have quadruple bypass surgery next week instead.
There are still 4 1/2 hours left to this day. I don’t want to know what’s next.
The vacation
I am itching to go on a vacation. Not right now, but probably by sometime in the spring. B.O. (before Oscar), I would go on one or two vacations a year, usually altering between the beach and anywhere else. My last official vacation was last Thanksgiving, when I went to New Zealand. Of course, Oscar and I did spend some time in Bali while we were waiting for his visa. Sadly, though, that part of the trip was anything but a vacation, in that I was obsessed with coming back to the States.
There are three primary contenders, with a whole list of other places I’d like to visit, but am unsure whether it’s the right time to go (either because I’ll be traveling with a toddler (like a safari or hiking in Patagonia) or because of geo-political reasons). The wrinkle is that I’ve already traveled to most places I’d like to see, with the exception of some really remote areas, which of course fall into the don’t think I want to take Oscar yet category.
Vietnam – obviously, I just returned from there six months ago. I really would like to return, though, and see Sapa, Halong Bay (how I didn’t do this while I was in Hanoi for over three weeks is beyond me) and Nha Trang. While there, I would want to do a side trip to Cambodia to see Angkor Wat. Upside – it’s Oscar’s birth country and the people are amazing – oh, and cheap hotels. Downside – 20+ hours on the plane each way.
Paris – I haven’t been back in ten years and would love to return. Just wandering the streets would be fun. Upside – free air with miles, museums, Disney Paris, croissants and only (!) 10′ish hours each way in the air. Downside – obscenely expensive hotels.
Turkey – this is in the quasi-questionable category, given safety issues. I’ve wanted to visit Istanbul for a long time now, and Turkey has amazing antiquities.
Hawaii or Cabo – just returned from a long weekend on Lanai and I’ve been to both places multiple times (I’m old and I live on the west coast). Other downsides – the sun – Oscar’s skin doesn’t love it and I’m pale and prone to freckles. Upsides – playing in the ocean and in the sand are obvious winners and very short flights.
Australia – never been, but have always wanted to visit. Self-evident downside – flights. Upsides – people with super cool accents.
The pumpkin patch
I thought it would be fun to take Oscar to a pumpkin patch. Everyone else seems to have a great time, and we were supposed to have gone a few weeks ago with a group of other families with children from Vietnam. Couldn’t because of his measles. Given that pumpkin season apparently ends at Halloween, I packed the two of us up in the car this morning and off we went to Napa. The good news? Oscar was a champion in his carseat – NO crying in either direction. The not so good news? He refused to allow me to let go of him long enough to snap even one good shot of him. Maybe next year.
So, here’s what I’m thinking
I don’t think I want another child right now. Wow, I actually typed it. I mean, I want another child. I just don’t want to disrupt my life with Oscar. Things are great right now. Even with both of us being very sick, my working too much and him seemingly breaking into the terrible twos already, I love our little life together.
Not to sound too much like Sallie Field (and if you’re too young for the reference, I’m sorry), but Oscar “really, really likes me” right now. I cannot impress on you enough how big of a deal this is to me. I know I haven’t really written about it, but it took months for the little guy to like me on a consistent basis. Now that it’s happened, I’m not sure it’s a great idea to jeopardize it by bringing another child into the house. I’m feeling like he needs more time with just the two of us (and honestly, I might be feeling like I need more time with just the two of us). I have all of these things I want us to do together, and oddly I have a hard time imaging another child with us. This is, of course, partially because of the fact that it is so difficult to imagine what my next child will look like (what with my not being able to really decide whether I want to adopt a little girl (for me) or a little boy (for both Oscar and me)).
I also have spent too much time online and talking with friends who have decided to be candid with me about their “real feelings” about their second child. Jeesh. Who knew there could be such deep-seeded ambivalence in such a decision? I’m amazed by people who are willing to come right out and say that having their second child was a mistake. I’m not saying that in a judgmental way – I’m saying that I’m amazed that people are willing to overcome the social taboo of admitting that they regret having a child in order to help spare someone else from making what they believe might be a mistake. It has truly shaken me.
And I must admit that part of my ambivalence in this decision stems from the less than warm reaction I received from friends and family when I announced that I was going to adopt again. I don’t mean this in an accusatory way. I just started second guessing my decision when no one I knew congratulated me – honestly, all of my close friends and family members were at best tepid about it, and some came right out and told me I was making a mistake. You know, usually I would simply ignore this type of advice, but this has certainly stuck with me.
There are so many other factors that are contributing to my difficulty in making this decision (the point I’m at in my career, Oscar’s health issues, the economy, uncertainty in the Ethiopian adoption process (regarding single mothers and also regarding relinquished children and more importantly new guidelines for APs to not travel in country with their child as the fact of IA in the country is making people uncomfortable), my unrealistic (and bizarre) hope that adoptions from Vietnam (ethical, of course) will again become a possibility and on and on). What amazes me is that as soon as I come to a decision, I almost immediately reconsider it. As I do not typically waffle on issues, I think I need to tread lightly here. So, that’s the reason I’ve been so quiet about my adoption plans lately. I just don’t know what my plan really is.
My little animal lover
In case you can’t tell what the little guy is doing, he’s taken to strangling his stuffed animals and punching his monkey chair. Maybe he’s acting on my feelings for the dogs lately.
Almost wordless Thursday
I really need to get the windows washed
My baby?
Not so much a baby anymore. How did this happen so quickly? When I adopted Oscar in March, he wasn’t even able to roll over (although he was over 7 months old), but yesterday I removed the baby gate from the staircase. He’s been able to navigate the stairs extremely well for over a month now and the gate is just sort of a danger (he was working out how to open it so he could let the dogs through). So, off to the garage it went. I have to say, I’m not thrilled about it. He’s also now almost completely outgrown the clothes I had bought him when I was waiting for him (and I had bought a large range of sizes). It just seems like he’s making the transition from baby to a real little person entirely too quickly for me.
The evil that is me
I have two beautiful dogs. I loathe them. Before Oscar came, they meant the world to me. Now, they are simply an annoyance at every turn. I have turned into someone I don’t even recognize when it comes to them.
Before Oscar, the boys and I had a lovely little life. We played together, slept on the same bed together, hung out on the sofa together, went to the beach together - you know – all the lazy things people do before they have kids. I knew there would be trouble with one of the dogs, Max, an imperious, narcissistic whippet when I brought Oscar home. What I had not considered was that I myself would be a problem.
My dogs have gone from being the center of attention in my life to ancillary objects. Riley, the retriever, loves to be around Oscar. He’s even quite protective of him, although he has taken to eating his plastic toys and shredding paper in the house. Max, though, has become a monster. He jumps onto the table and counter-tops and eats food – primarily food prepared for Oscar. They each frequently push themselves in front of Oscar in order to get between him and me, at times knocking the baby down. Neither has ever been at all aggressive towards him, but they’re just clumsy, which of course frustrates me.
I think what it comes down to is that the baby and the dogs just seem like too much. I don’t have enough time and attention for all three of them, so obviously I’m going to choose Oscar. At times I feel horrible for the dogs – they must look around and wonder what on earth has happened to them. I mean, they’re still living a great life, but they’re certainly not getting the love and attention they once were. The horrible part is that I don’t really feel the same way about them. Is that typical? I still like hanging out with them when Oscar is asleep, but while he’s awake, I’m likely to ignore them almost completely.
I’m not going to get rid of them (as was suggested by a friend (who is a cat person)). I wouldn’t do that. My vet suggested hiring a behaviorist (you know, a dog psychologist). Got to say, that’s not going to happen. I feel like I’m the one who needs the intervention. Is it possible that I’ll outgrow this post-adoption distaste for dogs?
waiting
