3:22 am
I’m just glad we made it to almost 3:30 this morning before the battle began. What was interesting about last night’s episode was that Oscar didn’t ramp up the anger – when he awoke at 3:22 am, he knew he wasn’t getting a bottle, and he was mad. We did the yelling thing for a while, I tried to walk with him, but he was arching his back and that didn’t work. I turned to the only thing that helped us through the jetlag when we returned from VN – those music channels (the ones without videos) on tv. We listened/watched some country music, which made him stop crying immediately, and he was out within 20 minutes. All in all, probably lasted an hour.
I’m giving this through the weekend. Our pediatrician has been pushing to cut the nighttime bottle for months. She wants me to cut out all bottles, which we’re not doing, but in particular the nighttime one. Oscar gets a bottle in the afternoon and one at bedtime; he also gets milk when he asks for it during the day, so I know he’s getting enough of it there. It’s not the nutrition that concerns me.
What I worry about is whether this is doing him emotional harm. We don’t cry it out in our house. I’m not judging you if you do it; it’s just that we had significant difficulties attaching in the beginning and I’ve been wary of doing anything to jeopardize where we’ve come. I still wear him in the sling, we’re still co-sleeping and if he cries, I comfort him immediately. I suppose I’m doing the “attachment parenting” thing, but I hate that label. It’s just so exclusive. It’s almost like it’s saying that if you don’t follow these rules you won’t attach, which is far from the truth.
There are obviously some considerations here that come into play because Oscar was adopted. What I wonder about is whether I’m taking things too far. Am I too scared of Oscar crying? He has to be able to sooth himself to some extent, but I am, of course, worried about him self-soothing in the same manner he did when he was in the orphanage. Oscar’s method of self-soothing when I got him was to hit his head (hard) and apparently just emotionally check out. He’s broken those habits and now he does rely on me when he’s upset, which is obviously good.
Sorry for the rambling; just trying to figure out what’s more important – a toddler with rotten teeth who knows his mom is meeting his every need immediately, but who can only sleep when he’s just had a bottle, or a toddler with a healthy mouth who knows how to fall asleep on his own and as a bonus has a mother who gets 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night.
January 15, 2009 - Posted by Oscar and Etta's mom | attachment, Oscar, Parenting
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2011 Resos
I will NOT:
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- Give up Diet Coke
- Reschedule my children’s readoption because of work
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- Eat all of the chocolate chip cookie dough I’ve prepared for Oscar and Etta
- Be anyone’s bitch-
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There isn’t a right way. You are the one who lives with him day in and day out. You know his personality and what his emotional needs are. He won’t take the bottle forever. Once he starts communicating you might be able to talk to him rationally about co sleeping and bottles. I am not great about Jacobs teeth and my pediatrician reminds me of it everytime we go in.
Sarah
Do what’s right for you. I definitely wouldn’t get rid of all bottles this early yet either (yes, I think it’s early when you take into account when you got him home). I think what you are doing for the night bottle sounds like a good plan- you are not letting him cry it out necessarily, you are comforting him just without the bottle.
Let me tell you this my friend…..choose your battles!!!
R-G does not fall asleep w/ a bottle in the crib but still has one before bedtime @ 16 months old. It is not only her favorite time….but mine also as it I sing (God bless her!) and we have big snuggle time! I am blessed she goes to sleep around 8 p.m. and sleeps 12 -13 hours. However, you know the other “challenges” we are dealing with. I truly believe God knew what would push me over the edge…..NO SLEEP at night! We return to Iowa for more castings on 2/1 so sleep will be scheduled by pain issues for 4-6 weeks! K
You sound so much like me in your parenting style. I have never let any of my children(bio or adopted)cry it out.I believe a baby cries because they have an immediate need that needs to be met. I feel it is our job as a parent to meet that need all the time and immediately.I feel this is even more important with an adoptive child where they were neglected and did not have their needs met(We both know this was the case with both our children).Trust me,When we met Meliah she NEVER cried. When she did rarely make a peep she sounded like a newborn because she had never developed her cry.She would also never ask to be held or for any of her needs to be met.She seemed like the perfect baby if you did not know she had been neglected in an orphanage for 7 months.It took a long time to get Meliah to realize it was healthy to ask to get her needs met and that we would respond when she cried.We can barely believe this girl is that same little baby.
We also co-sleep in our house.This is not because we choose to do it,It is because this is what some of our children need to feel safe and secure.We also had some kiddos who did not need this so we respected that.Trust me he will not still be co-sleeping with you when he goes to college;)
My bio son was born without the enamel on his teeth(so was my nephew).He was breastfed and never took a bottle.He was on a sippy cup at one.He had a mouth full of rotten baby teeth not matter what we did.He had his first teeth extracted at 18 months because it was hitting the nerve.Him and my Nephew both have a beautiful set of adult teeth under those rotten baby teeth.They are just baby teeth.They all fall out.
I think it is great that you have broken all Oscars, not so healthy, self soothing techniques. This lets you know that what your doing is the right thing.Keep it up!!