Done at one?

I’ve been pretty candid about my struggle with whether I should add another child to our family.  I thought this struggle had subsided, but lo and behold, Sunday night’s vomit-fest threw me for a loop.  Of course, it wasn’t the vomit that made me question having another child.  It’s the fact that I, alone, had to clean up said vomit while trying to corral a very sick toddler and two dogs.  This seemingly innocuous (albeit disgusting) task has prodded me into some fairly serious soul-searching.

Let’s start with the basics.  I have one somewhat perfect child.  I want another.  But, then again, I also want quite a few other things in life, and this is where things get complicated.  I am a single parent.  I make all decisions regarding my child alone; I shoulder all of the responsibilities of having a child, whether financial, emotional or otherwise, alone; I worry about my child, and about anything that could impact my child, alone.  And, for the most part, I’m ok with this.  To the extent one can anticipate these things before having a child, I went into this single parenthood thing with my eyes open.  In some respects, it’s been easier than I had anticipated.  In some respects, far, far more difficult.

I find myself thinking about the reality of life with two children.  Oscar is manageable on my own.  We’re still pretty mobile; I can at least contemplate traveling with him (although I’m certainly avoiding doing it).  With two?  Are you kidding me?  I know there are moms out there that do this – I’ve read your blogs – but I just cannot fathom it myself.  I wonder how I’m going to deal with my career and the logistics of having two kids.  Two sets of doctors and dentist appointments; two sets of classes, sports, etc.  How am I going to cope with two kids who are sick at the same time?  And don’t even get me started thinking about paying two college tuitions (but then again I imagine most parents don’t let themselves think about that prior to getting pregnant/adopting or there would be no children out there).

When I think of these things, I find myself wondering if I’m being selfish in questioning whether I should have another child.  Aren’t these issues all just pointing to the impact another child is going to have on my personal time (to the extent I have any) or finances?  Aren’t I really worried that a second child is going to be inconvenient for me? 

What gets me here is that I had similar worries while I was waiting for Oscar’s referral (which none of you knew about because I didn’t start this blog until well after I had accepted his referral!).  Not the same worries – likely because you don’t really understand what you’re getting yourself into when you don’t already have a child – but significant worries about whether I was making a huge mistake.  Obviously, having him was the best thing I could have done in my life.   So, my question is, do people more typically follow their heart than their head in their family planning decisions?

February 5, 2009 Posted by Oscar and Etta's mom | Our family, Parenting, Single mothers | 7 Comments