The abuse continues
You know, I really had been hoping that the head-butting, hitting, pinching and kicking that started to occur recently were random, isolated incidents. I am coming to realize that this violence is not going to stop on its own. Slugger came at us full force this weekend, slapping my face, pinching Nanny Norma’s cheek (the combination of which earned him his first time out, which was not a fun experience for him), kicking my head while I was trying to get him to nap and then, the piece de resistance, another head-butt to the nose yesterday afternoon when our dog Riley woke him up from his nap. We’re doing time outs now each time he’s at all aggressive, but I don’t know if that is enough. We’re also withholding his one piece of candy per day (a tiny little gummy bear) if he’s not nice. I’m not sure that he understands that, though. What do you all do? I don’t think it’s too early to discipline him; I just want whatever I do to be effective (or at least possibly effective – I know not all kids are going to react the same to methods)…
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Etta’s Hats
Where I’ve Been
Lulu is hitting people, I Am not sure how to stop it.
Frustration central. If it is any comfort my son started slapping as he was sitting on my knee for 2 1/2 hours waiting for a boarding gate to become available at Newark Airport. Nerves were already frayed after a 4 1/2 flight!
I could not do anything – because he would have wailed and the was the last thing anyone on plane wanted! I just had to take it for the team.
The naughty step/time outs has worked for us as time has gone – but we still have to weather it every once in a while!
Hey there!
We totally ignore these things. I tell her, “No one is going to watch you act like this” and then place her sitting somewhere. I find that if she thinks no one is asking then the behavior tends to stop. Best of luck with this. It’s no fun!
Amy
Hey!
Maybe because Olivia is #3 for us and I just can’t get by with her hurting anyone, I go a little “apesh%t” and turn into mean mommy whenever she hurts people – ever since she bit a kid at the gym last December and I saw what she was capable of, I have made a point of not tolerating any aggressive behavior that I catch. If I see her, for example, pulling her brother Alex’s hair or trying to hit him, I grab her hand, give her a firm and scary “no we do not hit/pull hair/etc.” and tell her “show Alex gentle” and help her touch him in a gentle way so that she understands the right way to touch people and the meaning of the word gentle. It took watching her like a hawk for most of the winter, but she is much better and less prone to lash out when she is frustrated.
Good luck – you are not alone and I hope your nose is healing!
Best,
Laura
We stay very on top of any hitting or aggressive behavior. Read the article, not the book about talking to your kids like they’re Neanderthals, it seems to work. If she starts to hit/bite whatever, I grab her to stop her and say in a strong tone “no hit, no hit” – redirect her to “touch nice” and tell her if she does it again she gets a “time out” and if she attempts to do it again, I repeat the “no hit” – and immediately take her for her time out, saying “time out” for “bad behavior, no hit no hit, touch nice. Into the crib, room door closed for a minute or two. I leave her a bit longer if she’s having too much fun until she wants to come back out with us and can’t, so the message sinks in. Lately she tests us, by starting to hit the couch or pillow while watching to see if we react. We don’t. I don’t care if she hits a pillow as long as its not us or a pet or another person. Gotta pick my battles. Once she doesn’t get the attention for the inanimate object she loses interest. The trick seems to be firmness and consistancy. Do expect him to keep testing you. Don’t be afraid to show your disapproval and don’t over-explain, to kids its just more attention. Good luck! And please, do protect that poor nose of yours.
Thank you everyone for the pointers. We’ve been very vigilant in trying to shut down aggression immediately. It’s hard, though, given that I really do think it’s partially motivated by his desire for attention (as if he could get more!). He pulls on one of the dogs’ ears and just looks at me, knowing that I am going to tell him to stop it, and then he’ll go to the other dog and love on him, knowing that I’m going to tell him he’s being sweet. I’m just concerned now that we’re going to start soccer next month that he’ll move on from hitting Norma, the dogs and me to someone else.
I liked #5′s suggestions (well, everyone had good ones). From a teacher standpoint, I would definitely reward the good. If you are using gummy bears, it won’t hurt for him to have a few extras during the day. Do it at totally at totally random times when he is behaving or being loving- before you see any negative attention seeking (like I wouldn’t give him one if he pulls the dog’s ears first and then loves on the other dog).
We have had a huge problem with Khai being very aggressive towards Meliah since about a year old. If he wanted a toy she had he would just push her and take it. If she was on a toy he wanted he would push her off it and ride away. Worse was when he would hit her for no reason and pull her hair. We have literally caught him holding a hand full of her hair. I have spent the last year working on this issue and it has not been easy. I have had to watch him like a hawk every time he was near Meliah. Most important is to stay CALM when you react. I noticed the more rise he was getting out of me the more often it happened (It is really hard to stay calm when one baby is pulling out your other babies hair). I would calmly but sternly tell him we don’t pull hair/hit/push and then take his hand and say “gentle” while helping him gently touch his sisters arm. I would say we love people don’t hurt them. Now that he is a little older he goes in a little chair in the corner for 15 seconds and then we talk. He must show me gentle and apologize by gently rubbing his sisters head and giving her a kiss. It took about a year of constant reinforcing “gentle” before I saw a real change in his behavior. He very rarely lashes at out her in anger or pulls her hair but when he does I immediately see him self correct, say “gentle” and touch her lovingly.
Now Meliah has started being very aggressive towards me lately while we are playing. She will pull my hair, hit my face and head butt me. She is laughing while doing it. I have to stop playing with her, put her down and tell her she can not hurt Mommy like that. She will then apologize to me by kissing me and rubbing me gently.