Transparency
There’s something about this adoption that is different from when I adopted Oscar. My agency tells PAPs what number they are on the wait list(s). They also disclose all referrals, so PAPs continue to know exactly where they are in the process. This is far from how things happened when I adopted Oscar. Don’t get me wrong – that process worked and I got the perfect child. I also got very frustrated as I watched dozens of people who had their dossiers logged in far after mine receive referrals months before I did (and not because they were willing to take older kids, etc.).
My VN agency clearly did not process referrals in the order dossiers were logged in; it was more subjective than that. I like knowing where I stand, but part of me feels concerned that there’s no “human” element here, matching children to their new parents. I imagine that sounds silly; of course, there’s no way that the person who matched my file to Oscar’s really did so based on any special information she had. It was just as random as this list. I guess part of me wants to believe in an “adoption fairy” or something. Having said that, I am absolutely certain that I am going to be thankful for this transparency when I get higher up the list and that whatever child joins our family will be just right for us, too.
So, what’s my number?
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COOL! Is that 11 as far as single parents are concerned, or 11 total???
11 doesn’t sound so bad. Am I just optimistic?
Eleven is GREAT! I don’t know how big your agency is but some of the bigger ones do at least 10 referrals a month! Are you 11 for a girl, or 11 for either?
WOW! 11 sounds great. I’m happy for you that you’ve been able to follow your heart. Could you share anything about the process in Ethiopia? I love your site…it really helps me to pass the time while we wait for our first child in Nepal.
Yea! Congratulations! We have done that waiting game twice and its hard and I know what you mean about the adoption fairy.
When you’re waiting in line for something this important it’s essential to know where you stand and that the agency is playing “fair”. Glad you have that and congrats on being “eleven”!
11!!!! Wow, that’s a good place to start. Our dossier has been in country since June 4th and I’m sure you’ll get your referral before we get ours. Our agency doesn’t tell us which number we are on the list because the orphanage works on matching children with families. Our Guatemala adoption was more of a ‘next in line’ match. It worked out very well for us, but this adoption is process is certainly different from our first.
Our agency had a list too (sort of informal – based more on self-reporting, I think). But the individual matching was still a major factor – probably the most important – as you definitely saw people from all points on the list getting referrals before those ahead of them from time to time. But the list was nice because at least it gave you a ballpark idea as to where you stood.
I am so excited for you! I hadn’t checked in for a while and I am so glad things are going so well! I can’t wait to live surreptitiously though you as you go through the adoption process again! It must be weird to have such transparency after the murky world we both experienced (though the adoption fairy did a great job!)
Best,
Laura (and Olivia)
Hi Michelle,
I’m a bit behind on your blog as I just brought my son home from Ethiopia a month ago today. I just wanted to tell you don’t worry about the lack of the ‘human’ in the ‘matching’ it is amazing but when I travelled with 5 other families and each of their children couldn’t have been more properly suited to his/her forever family. I’m thrilled that you are back in the game for number 2. It is hard but oh so much fun!!!
Michelle W