I’m going to do it
I’m going to take Oscar to Ethiopia with me when I pick up Etta. I can’t decide whether I’m insane or not, but I just cannot stop thinking that coming home from my first trip away from him with a sibling for him is a horrible idea. I’m hopeful that he won’t be quite three years old by the time we travel (although, with the way my wait is currently going . . . ), which I know means I’m in for a solid 15 hours to/from Dubai with at least one, if not two, screaming children. Of course, right now I’m still in that blissful stage of thinking that my lovely daughter is going to be perfectly behaved and sleep the entire flight, curled in my arms (I know, even I’m snorting while typing that).
With that decision down, I think I’ve found the perfect suitcase for him. He can stuff crap in it, drag it around, ride on it in the airport AND sit on it when tired. Cute, huh?
Now, which one of you is telling my mom she’s going to Ethiopia with her daughter and grandson next spring/summer? Anyone?
Anyone know
when exactly it was that this child . . .
five months later:
Adoption day (and thank you, Sarah, for this photo, which I think perfectly captures the beginning of the relationship between Oscar and me):
last Halloween, when he could not be within 500 feet of other kids without screaming and when his sensory issues were still so severe he could not bear to touch even grass or sand (I mean, look at how he’s holding his arms so he doesn’t have to touch the straw) and who screamed so loudly when we would go out in public that I thought I had wasted money on our zoo membership:
turned into this happy child who actually likes to be around other kids (particularly “big” boys) and smiles frequently and snorts with laughter on a daily basis? this boy, by the way is a complete and total stranger:
Because, while it might have looked like all I posted for a considerable amount of time were pictures when I simply had not captured Oscar smiling, a non-smiling Oscar was the norm until about May of this year. I had come to terms with the fact that Oscar was not going to be one of those “happy” children. You know the type. You’ve seen them at the park - they laugh and giggle freely, breaking out spontaneously in toothy grins. Annoying, really. Nanny Norma and I talk about it a lot now. I hear the refrain of “Oscar different” from her at least weekly. “Not the same boy. . . Oscar happy now.” And it’s true. He isn’t the same as he was; he is a totally different little boy in so many ways. It might sound odd for a mom to say, but he used to be a little angry, constantly frustrated and quick to lash out, both physically and vocally. More troubling to me were his eyes. They were very pretty, but they seemed a bit closed off. Like he wasn’t really engaged with any of us or the world generally.
I’m not sure what changed and caused him to become this sweet, adorable, smiling toddler (prone to a lot of tantrums, but seemingly the normal variety), with tons of personality radiating from him. We have a lot of theories – time beginning to heal old wounds, increased attachment (on both of our parts), his vision improving (no proof of this other than the visible difference in his ptosis and nystagmus), the switch to soy milk, his increased ability to communicate via sign language and grunting or just the improvements in his health generally. Who knows. I’m just thankful that we’re where we are and not where we were, and honestly, a little frightened that we might have to go back there when Baby Etta joins us.
What is wrong with people?
At some point in the future I hope to have some time of my own to actually write something myself, but in the meantime, I’ll leave you with this little treat from the AP:
“NEW ORLEANS – A white Louisiana justice of the peace said he refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for any children the couple might have.
Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says it is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long.
“I’m not a racist. I just don’t believe in mixing the races that way,” Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. “I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else.”
Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said.
Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.
“There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage,” Bardwell said. “I think those children suffer and I won’t help put them through it.”
If he did an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said.
“I try to treat everyone equally,” he said.”
I figure that’s enough of the article for you to get the gist of it. The fact that people are so comfortable saying such things (let alone that they believe it, which is an entirely different and even more horrifying issue) is simply pathetic.
Seriously, “they use my bathroom”?
News from the State Department
Adoption Notice
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE
Bureau of Consular Affairs
Office of Children’s Issues
Adoption Processing at the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa
October 15, 2009
Taking into consideration recent allegations of misconduct in intercountry adoptions in Ethiopia the Department of State would like to remind adoptive parents that before an immigrant visa may be issued to an adopted child, a U.S. consular officer must ensure that the adoption is legal under Ethiopian law and that the child is qualified under U.S. immigration law to immigrate to the United States.
The Department of State reminds adoptive parents that consular officers are required by law to conduct an orphan investigation (I-604) to verify the child’s orphan status prior to the issuance of an IR-3 or IR-4 immigrant visa. Depending on the circumstances of a case, this investigation may take up to several months to complete. Adoptive parents should therefore carefully consider whether to file their Form I-600 Petition to Classify an Orphan as an Immediate Relative at the USCIS district office closest to their place of residence in the U.S. or at Embassy Addis Ababa, and are urged to work with their adoption service provider to confirm the status of their case before traveling to Ethiopia.
Prospective adoptive parents and their adoption service providers should also be aware that on March 23, 2009 the U.S. Embassy began implementing the Centers for Disease Control’s (CDC’s) 2007 Tuberculosis Technical Instructions (TB TIs) for screening and treating tuberculosis for all immigrant visa applicants, including adopted children. Children who are found to have active TB will be required to submit to six months of Directly Observed Therapy (DOT) provided at the clinic of IOM in Addis Ababa, or obtain a waiver from the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), after review by the CDC, in order to travel to the U.S. An addendum to this new procedure was implemented on October 1, 2009 for all children under 10 years of age. You may obtain full information on the addendum by clicking on the following link: http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dq/panel-2007-addendum-ti-tb.html. For the vast majority of children, implementation of these new requirements will cause no significant delay in the processing of their cases.
Furthermore, children determined to have a Class A medical condition, such as HIV (as diagnosed by the Embassy’s designated panel physician), will be required to have an approved waiver from the DHS, United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) before an immigrant visa can be issued.
All prospective adoptive parents are strongly urged to work with an adoption service provider instead of arranging a direct adoption through an orphanage or family member. The Embassy’s Adoptions Unit can be reached at adoptionsaddis@state.gov.
Please continue to monitor http://adoption.state.gov/ for updated information as it becomes available.
Help?
We appear to be going through the “fake smile” phase, which is really hampering my photo ops. Any tips? I mean, I find the fake smile kind of funny, I get his desire to look anywhere but at the camera, and the poses he’s starting to throw are at times hilarious. But the downside is that it’s October and I need a picture for the Christmas cards.
A nice surprise
I was getting quite used to being where I was, actually, so this came as a bit of a surprise. See what I meant about my agency not having tons of referrals? It’s somewhat reassuring to my odd little mind.
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Etta’s Hats
Where I’ve Been
