The Speech Thing
I’ve been a bit reticent to post about this, but I’ll let you in on a bit of a secret. Oscar has been talking. Well, sort of. He uses some words every once in a while. He has a vocabulary of about a dozen words now, including ball, bubble, bowl, up, hot, help, out, hat and apple. Most of the time he uses them it’s almost involuntary (i.e., he sees a ball and yells “ball”), but it’s still cause for celebration whenever it happens. He’s still not really using words volitionally (i.e., to tell me what he wants) very often, although on Saturday I almost fainted when he shoved his milk at me and said “hot”, meaning put some ice in this milk before you burn my tongue off, mom. It was the first time he had used words to actually convey an actual concept to me.
You’re probably sensing a lack of enthusiasm from me. Okay, you caught me. I don’t know if I was expecting some major language explosion or breakthrough when we started our three a week speech therapy sessions. I wasn’t letting myself think there was going to be some seminal moment when the floodgates broke and Oscar started talking, telling me everything he hadn’t been able to communicate before then. But you know how it is. You might not let yourself actively think something, but it’s there in the back of your mind. The other reason for my hesitation is that our speech therapist has planted another seed in my mind, and it’s called “apraxia.” Google it and you’ll find it’s not a happy word.
When Oscar was evaluated by oh so many therapists and doctors last summer they explained the difference between a speech delay and a speech disorder to me. They didn’t wrap it all up in a pretty bow and name it officially at that time, but they told me that his delay was likely caused by a disorder (meaning that he wasn’t just a “late talker”). I, like I do when anyone tells me something distressing about my boy (anyone remember my ability to ignore the fact that Oscar’s opthamologist was actually a neurologist for six months?), kind of ignored this label, thinking that they’d change their minds once the SLP flipped on whatever speech switch she knew how to trigger. Yes, I was hoping for some tricks or tools of the trade to be implemented. No, there haven’t been any.*
I guess what I’m finding is that there is not going to be an easy answer to this problem. Oscar has a definite issue getting his words out of his mouth. I can see it when he attempts to tell me something, and then just stops. I don’t know if it really is apraxia, but it’s more complicated than I had hoped. Before this fall I never had thought about all of the processes that have to occur simply to communicate, but a lot has to happen to convey a thought. And, if your brain did not have a chance to fully develop the nerves that link your right and left hemispheres together because of abject neglect for the first eight months of life, the ramifications can be pretty severe.
The upside of all of this therapy is that I have a better sense of what we need to do to help Oscar along. We’re also getting him to communicate more using sign language. He’s a signing machine these days. He “talks” throughout the day, but he really uses signs most of the day in order to get his thoughts across, like when he signs monkey he either wants a Curious George gummy candy (monkey candy) or to go for a walk (using his monkey backpack/leash). Every day he’ll say maybe one or two words, but that’s pretty much it. I’m not letting myself even go down the path yet that sign language will be his primary method of communication, but I know that possibility is out there, lurking.
I know some of you think that writing about these things is wrong. That I should keep matters like this private. To some (teensy tiny) degree I agree with you, but much like I did when I chose to write about my attachment issues, I think there are a lot more people dealing with developmental delays and the like than I had previously thought. I wish I had more to read about this than just the books I have to buy. That I could see it from the perspective of other moms in my situation. I hear the same sentiment in the email messages and the comments that parents post and ask to be kept unpublished. I also just don’t see that there is any reason to pretend this is not happening. I’m not ashamed of the fact that Oscar has a neurological issue that has caused this problem. I’m angry about the root of it, but I’m not ashamed of him or embarrassed of the subject matter. It’s just something else about him that makes him that much more unique.
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*For those of you with kids with sensory issues, one quite cool thing that our SLP uses is a plastic bin with either dried beans or a mix of lentils and rice for Oscar to play in. Oscar had some pretty severe sensory issues when we first met, and I actually had thought we had conquered them (wrong – he used to be avoidant and now is seeking). The amazing thing about these beans / rice / lentils is that they have somewhat of a calming effect on some kids. The first time she brought them out, Oscar went from running wild around his room, refusing to focus, to sitting quietly and playing with the beans. She whispered to me that sometimes kids actually sit in the bin and while she was saying it (and he could not have heard her) he sat down in them. He went from being his active little self to a calmer child instantly, and he started babbling after having been silent for hours. Don’t know how or why it works, but it does. We bought a big Tupperware container to house our beans that weekend.
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Thanks for the whole post. Lulu MAY have apraxia as well. (too young for official dx.) my post tomorrow is on speech. but nothing in depth. just that she is behind.
do you do signs?i think if we learned signs it would help us immesnely
adding we do some signs and lulu is even making up her own
Good for you for posting. Apraxia makes sense, but knowing what it is (I do not need to Google it) makes me think “ooh boy…”
Sigh.
It just shows you how special your boy really is, doesn’t it…(seriously)…sounds like he is communicating much better by using his signing and words when he can get them out. Sounds like the lightbulb has gone off that if he can’t spit it out orally, he now understands that by signing, he can still communicate. Awesome! I know you don’t want to go there as far as having signing be his primary mode just yet, but if you do have to cross this bridge, at least you can give yourself a huge pat on the back that you’ve got an early start with it (without any help from early start, ha ha!). I know of children who are apraxic, and yes, they do sign as well.
Yes, there are many of us out here dealing with any variety of development disabilities our children may have. For us, it’s autism. Our son is non-verbal and sign language is difficult for him so he uses pictures for communication. In the end you just find what works and use it. If sign language is the tool to works for Oscar, that’s great!
I think writing about this IS appropriate for several reasons — one, you need to vent. Two, other people may have experience with these issues and be able to offer help or advice, and three, other people may be able to learn from you.
Let me gt this right. You adopt a child fom some third world country so you can save him then you don’t even teach him how to talk? And they’re allowing you to adopt another baby so you can rescue him too? Don’t you think you need to focus on the one you already got? If I knew the people who adopt my kid werent even going to bother to help him talk I would get him back like that. Shame on you for not giving your adopted child the basics. This is what we real moms hate about adoptive parents.
Personally, I’m glad you posted, I do think its appropriate. I’m sorry he hasn’t had the big breakthrough, I’m like you, I would be hoping still and its not completely unreasonable. But, stating the obvious, you’re doing great to get him all the support he needs to address his issues now. I have two nephews with speech issues and the key is early agressive therapy to get the best result for them.
I think the “bean” thing/reaction is fascinating, I’m tempted to try it with my girl just for the calming effect!
side note : i don’t normally comment on comments, but is that one from “Real Mom” supposed to be a joke? It’s so odd and offbase, can’t imagine someone would actually write that. did that person read the same post the rest of us did?
Spam the real mom out…if she had any brains she’d know you ARE helping your son communicate…do some research Miss “Real Mom” and you will find out that what Michelle has going on is REAL…not just in your imagination.
Pathetic.
I’d write more but I’m afraid it would be too negative…because she clearly is an idiot. Wonder what she’d do if it was her child…just not help him and let him have two hour tantrums because he couldn’t get any words out?
Hmmm.
GRRRRR.
To “Real Mom”, really? You speak with the assurance of someone who has never actually been a real mom-a mom who really sees her child as they are and does not bury her head in the sand(even tho that’s what she would like to do-so much more peaceful there isn’t it?). Michelle has love, courage and a heart capable of doing whatever is necessary for her child to reach their full potential and were I ever to have to give my child to someone I would choose Michelle. I would not put my child in the hands of someone filled with so much hate in her heart.
ps…perhaps “Real Mom” should learn how to read…because you aren’t adopting another “him”…you are adopting a “her.”
Again, pathetic.
Princess, you might want to edit this before you post it… To real mom, are you out of your pea brained, holier than thou, bigoted, misguided, cruel mind?!!!!! What Michelle did that you could never do was to go on her own to Viet-Nam, pick her son up out of some hellhole orphanage and give him the chance to live a normal life. Otherwise that little boy, my GRANDSON by the way, would more than likely have been discarded in the bush and left to die like untold numbers of children before him. I know this, you self righteous * because I was there in 68 and 69 and saw what happened to many children who are orphaned in a “third world country”. things that are burned into my brain forever. I am so proud of you for what you’ve done, for what you’re doing AND for what you are about to do. we love you both so much and soon it will be the three of you. POPS
Thanks Dad (and Mom and Kelley, too). I think “real mom” is likely a troll, angry about something in her life that has nothing to do with me. I had considered responding with a post on what it takes to be a “real” parent, but have decided that her comment wasn’t worthy of that sort of attention. She has no idea what Oscar has gone through and how that all still impacts him. I’m just glad she’s not his mom.