Pre-adoption checklist

Ask a woman in the process of adopting what she’s doing during her wait and she will inevitably mention the checklist of items she would like to accomplish before child number X arrives home.  I, of course, am absolutely the same.  My checklist this time is nowhere similar to the one I had before Oscar came home.  That one was cluttered with all kinds of parenting-related items.  Ha.  All of the first-time mom shopping, of course, but also a lot of reading on how to be a mom (very little of what I read, BTW, was truly applicable to my situation – those books sadly are not written with adoptive families in mind).  I completed a lot of online seminars on adoption and parenting – attachment, etc. (these proved helpful only with respect to allowing me to recognize that we were having attachment issues; not much in the sense of how to survive them).  Obsessed about the type of formula I would use.  Would I try to breastfeed?  Would I obtain another woman’s breast milk for Oscar (yes, Dad, I considered that).  I cannot even comprehend how many hours I must have spent researching the type of bottles we would use.  Moms to be, I’ll save you some time – these are awesome. even on marble floors.

I realize how silly much of that was now.  Now, my list is almost single-minded in its focus.  What can I do now to make my life easier then, with “then” being the horrendous period that will occur when Baby Etta arrives home.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m super excited about adding her to our family.  But as those of you who have adopted know, transitions can be rough.  They can suck.  And if this one is anything like Oscar’s . . . well, I’m not going to let myself go there, but I’m going to do whatever I can to prepare for some of it.

What’s on my checklist?

1. lose some weight – DONE – this one was on the list for a few reasons – vanity (I didn’t want to be fat and ugly in our gotcha day pics), health (“they” say it’s unhealthy to carry extra weight) and sheer survival (if I”m going to chase after two kids, it would help to be lighter.  and it is soooo much easier to run around with Oscar with 30+ pounds gone).  wish I had done this sooner.
2. de-clutter the house – very much still in process.  my house is making me insane.  I feel like we move the same stuff around time after time.  I’m trying to do a major purge in the next few months – even getting rid of things that have been sacred to me before (e.g. books – I have a lot of sacred books, and a lot of stupid ones, too).  we might be moving this summer and I would like to be able to do that a lot more efficiently than before. Oscar’s baby clothes (the ones that aren’t entirely too masculine for Etta) are fair game, too).
3. fix my computers – I used to have two computers at home – my macbook air and a desktop imac.  loved them.  Oscar really loved them.  so much that the laptop is freaking out and we came home from Mexico to a desktop with the gray screen of death.  our VN pics are on the laptop and the last year’s photos are on the other one, so I have to get them fixed. OH – I even have another old computer at home (yes, another mac and yes, it died too) that used to have my photos from Russia and Africa on them but those were lost too.  add that one to the list.
4. figure out how to backup my computers – see above.  I actually have one of those external drives.  I just am not sure what I’m supposed to do to use it.
5. figure out Oscar’s educational plan – for crying out loud, the child is 2 1/2, but apparently I’m way behind the curve on this.  I have no idea where he’s going to go to pre-school and I didn’t even make an attempt to get him into the good ones in SF. 
6. figure out where we’re going to live – see above.  with the lottery system in SF, I don’t think I want to stay in the city when Oscar goes to school.  do I have to explain that I’m not going to pay for private school for two kids?  as a result, we’ll need to move in the next few years.  where?  that is the question.  somewhere in the area, but I can’t really decide until I have a clue what’s going to happen with my career, etc. 
7. get a better grasp on Oscar’s medical and developmental issues – actively engaged on this; I’m thinking this is not going to be “accomplished” at any point, but perhaps I can get us past the insane number of consultations we have on our list so I can deal with eliminating parasites, etc. when Etta joins us.
8. attempt to get Oscar excited about his sister – right now the concept is simply foreign to him.  once he has a picture, maybe things will make a bit more sense.
9. knit “baby” blankets – yes, plural.  that’s because when I started knitting one for Etta, I realized I had not done one for Oscar, so now I have two projects.  any bets on how many will be finished anytime soon?
10. potty train Oscar – this is underway now.  Nanny Norma told Oscar on New Year’s Eve that “next year you potty train”.  I didn’t realize that by “next year,” she meant the next day she came to work, but Oscar has been making friends with his toilet ever since.  this is going to take months.  many months.
11. take advantage of our routine – to go out to lunch with some friends or get that massage I keep saying I’ll get.  it’s not going to get any easier to slip away when there are two of them at home, is it?
12. enjoy being the mom of one awesome kid – one of the hardest parts of deciding whether to add to our family was knowing that I would have to change the special relationship I have with Oscar, as an only child.  I think it will work out for the best for all of us, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult.

That’s my list.  See anything major I’m missing?  Anything you wish you had done before child #X came home?

January 11, 2010 Posted by Oscar and Etta's mom | Adoption, Waiting | 5 Comments