Alive and well
Just a quick note to let you know we’re home and doing pretty well. Before last night I would have said we were doing extremely well, but we took a few steps back somewhere between midnight and 4:00 am. Oscar is tolerating his sister. He even gave her a kiss a few minutes ago. He’s just having some difficulty coming to terms with the fact that there is a strange girl in his bedroom interrupting his sleep every night with her incessant chest rattle and crying for a bottle from time to time. Could be worse, though, since I’m a little surprised that Oscar is actually doing anything but ignoring Etta (or, worse, attempting to do her bodily harm).
I have not managed to get a photo of the two kids together (let alone all three of us), but here is a little something to tide you over.
What a day
Birth family meeting at the orphanage. Need I say more? Even Etta was drained by the end of it. . . which is why I’m posting a pic of her from the beginning of our day instead.
We leave tomorrow night. Wish us luck.
A preview
I have now lost more posts to the Ethiopian internet than I care to remember, so I’ve decided to go with brief updates for the time being and will save the real posts for when I get back to my beloved United States . . . home of DSL and this little thing we take for granted, electricity.
We had another good day yesterday, although Etta is now going through the formula transition and wow, is that a lot of fun for both of us. We’re hoping to meet birth family today, although I am not sure whether Etta’s was able to make it here.
We took a drive into the countryside yesterday and I’m so glad we did. Addis is nice, but I did not want my memories of my daughter’s birth country to be of this city. Just driving half an hour outside the city gave me a glimpse into a completely different universe. We went a couple hours further and it was just beautiful. Highly recommend taking the road to Dessie out of town if you don’t have time to head to one of the other sites outside of Addis.
And now, what you’ve been waiting for, Miss Etta. The pic doesn’t do her justice, although it does capture one of my favorite features of hers, her smile. More later.
One
I hate to be a pain, but I do think I’m going to password protect some of my posts while I’m away. Just feeling a little too exposed and would like to know who is out there. I think sometimes I forget that adding a family member is usually something done in private, behind hospital doors (while screaming and cursing), etc. Even without the absence of hospitals and cursing (we all know there will be screaming), I somewhat feel compelled to have a modicum of privacy. Having said that, I’m happy to give out the password to those in the adoption community, please just let me know who you are.
So, I leave tomorrow. I’m not at the point where I get all sentimental and wax philosophical, so this is not going to be that post. Instead, I’m going to share with you the brilliance of my child, Oscar. This morning Oscar awoke in a mood. I think it has to do with the fact that he knows I’m leaving and he’s just unsettled, but of course he could just be in a snit. Sometimes when these moods hit, I let him watch a movie on the laptop in bed. Today, I turned on the movie Cars, which he is just starting to love. He watched for a while and then jumped out of the bed.
I thought he was just done and wanted breakfast. In a couple of seconds I hear something scraping along the tile in the bathroom. Then a thud, like a heavy plastic toy being dropped. Then the scraping. Intrigued, I peer into the hall to see my son lugging his toilet from the bathroom. He brings it into the bedroom, where I think he’s going to place it on the floor and do what he needs to do. Nope. My little guy lifts the toilet over his head and places it on top of the bed, where he climbs onto his mini throne and pees while watching his movie on the laptop on the bed, looking at me like “why was I the one who had to think of this?”
My son, the genius. Sorry there weren’t photos from the earlier incident, but I was in a bit of a rush to get the toilet off the sheets. This is just a snapshot of Oscar before he went to music class this morning. Isn’t he beautiful?
I know I was supposed to stop my shopping, but the other day I was at the site of another mom adopting from Ethiopia with my agency and the urge struck again. I showed some restraint, but just had to place an order for the cutest little diaper covers ever . . . they’re called “bloomers,” I believe, but I have a bit of a tough time saying that aloud for some reason. Whatever you want to call them, look how cute they are!
Honestly, if you have a little girl in diapers, you should totally check out her website. In fact, you should check her out even if you don’t need bloomers. She’s fabulous and she does amazing custom embroidery!
Two
I’m seriously contemplating password protecting some posts while I’m away, so if you would like the password, please let me know.
Three
First, thank you all for your thoughts on my last post. Honestly, when it was happening, I felt a bit disconnected, as if I could not be hearing what I thought I was. . . but I was, and she meant what I heard (even if she didn’t know what she was revealing about herself). I knew that adopting a child from Africa would present issues entirely different from those involved in adopting from Asia, but I guess I wasn’t expecting to be hit with the race issue, even subtly, until she got home.
Second, I’m feeling a bit better about leaving Oscar. I’m not happy about it (at all), but I do know that this is the best choice for this particular situation. I’m really excited about having my very short window of Etta-only time in Ethiopia. I’m even talking with the driver I hired about a day trip out of the city. A very brief trip, obviously, since in addition to seeing the countryside, I am going to be spending time at both Etta’s orphanage and care center, shopping for a lot of items I can only buy in Ethiopia and hoping to meet with some members of Etta’s birth family. Oh, and getting to know my daughter. Clearly, the day trip will be the first thing to be set aside if things get too busy, but I hate the idea of going to Ethiopia and only seeing the city and not the countryside that is more indicative of where my daughter is from.
I also don’t want to make the mistake of not buying gifts for Etta in country like I did with Oscar. I just look back and shake my head with wonder when I think about the fact that I came back from almost two months in Vietnam with very little to show for it in terms of keepsakes for Oscar. I’ve never been one of those people who comes home from trips with souvenirs. I always think of the memories of the trip or the photos as the souvenirs, but I think it’s different when you’re bringing a child from another country home with you. I guess we’ll just need to go back to Vietnam and do things right.
Third, can I tell you how excited I am about meeting Etta? I feel a little guilty about this, actually. My feelings this time are so different from when I adopted Oscar. I was so concerned about him. We had heard so many stories about many children dying in orphanages in the Northern part of Vietnam that winter he was stuck there, deaths as a result of simple little viruses, the horrible cold weather and the fact that the orphanages did not have heat (which Oscar’s now does, thankfully), and the fact that formula was in short supply. Couple all that with the fact that I did not have a single photo of him where he looked anything but miserable and I was desperate to get him, but I wasn’t really excited to get him, if you know what I’m saying.
I know that my recollection of Oscar’s adoption is significantly colored by many factors, so it’s hard for me to truly remember what I was feeling, but I know it was not “this.” I also know that whatever I’m feeling now is likely attributable in great part because of what I feel for Oscar now. . . how great it is to be his mom, and I simply assume that I will feel that way about Etta. I guess I’ll get to see for real very soon, since I leave in THREE short days!
A conversation with my not so color blind eye doctor
I went to my eye doctor today to get my new contact lenses checked. As she was peering into my eyes we got onto the topic of children. I mentioned I was about to have my second, which of course led to the usual confused glance at my stomach (which thankfully does not look like it contains a baby bump) and my explanation of Etta’s impending arrival. When informed where Etta currently resides, her brilliant response?
“Oh, so she’ll be one of those dark-skinned babies, then.”
Huh? I should have put that in quotes, since I, in fact, said “huh?”
“Well, yes, if she’s from Ethiopia, she’ll be dark-skinned, of course, but that’s ok.”
“Oh,” I said. I’m articulate like that.
“Well, sure, it will be quite a contrast with your blonde hair.”
“I guess so. I didn’t think of her as an accessory, but I suppose it should make for interesting family portraits, since my son was born in Vietnam.” Just to see where she’d take things.
“Hmm, that is very odd, isn’t it? Do you think they’ll be able to like each other, given their cultural differences? You know, you’re very lucky to live in this area of the country. In some areas people wouldn’t be as understanding.”
“Understanding of what? The fact that members of my family have different skin tones?” . . . refusing to touch the innate cultural differences issue (since we all know how loaded Vietnamese – Ethiopian relations can be, jeez).
“Yes, it can be very confusing. Just the other day I was at my son’s soccer game and I was talking to a very nice Hispanic man who was pointing to a boy on the field, and he seemed to indicate that he was his son, but this boy was very white. It just gets very confusing to know who belongs with who.”
“Right, maybe we could dress alike to make it easier on everyone.”
“That could be helpful, but it might be better if you’re just very clear that your children are adopted.”
“Well, my children were adopted, but that happened in the past, and it’s not a distinction I would want to make in any event. They’re just my kids.”
“See,” nervous laugh here, “it’s just all so confusing.”
Stupid people make me sad.
What brother wouldn’t love a sister
who sports clothes like this?
and looks this cute even when she has a snotty nose?
I’m really going to leave him for a whole week
Ok, technically, we won’t see each other for six days, but it’s close enough to a week. I feel horrible about leaving Oscar. I’m sort of making myself sick over it. I know that taking him around the world in the same amount of time would be a mistake, but I still don’t like leaving him. In an attempt to make myself feel better about the temporary abandonment I’m about to force him to endure, I spent some time today putting together his daily gift bags from me.
The intent behind the gift bags was to give him a little something each day I’m gone, something new to play with, to get him thinking about something other than the fact that his mother was not there. I was going to get things like stickers . . . little things, really. I started well, buying moon sand and those squishy balls, but ended up going a bit further, with six bags filled with a lot of cars and trucks and one special I.C.E. bag. In case of emergency, Nanny Norma or my parents are to resort to giving him the chartreuse bag, which contains an extra special gift (a battery operated James engine with coal car – a train that talks and can pull some of his other trains). To top it off, when Etta arrives, she’ll bestow the biggest gift, his Mustang convertible (thanks for the idea, Kelli). I’m thinking we might keep the bags out on the counter downstairs, to show that when they’re gone I’ll be home, but I’m not sure that he’ll understand that.
Ultimately, this is going to be harder on me than it will be on him, right?
It all started with something like this
a seemingly innocuous listing on Etsy. cute little bubble rompers, perfect for summer days. summer days in a city other than the one I current reside in. this led to searches on craigslist for other suitable living arrangements. many homes found. many eliminated immediately because of their price, others eliminated for aesthetic reasons. and then, while my parents were here last month I found this great house in this great neighborhood in this seemingly great town. a house overlooking a vineyard. seriously. a house with a lease payment significantly less than what I currently pay. like Nanny Norma’s salary less. the downside? a longer commute, so I ignored it, but it keeps cropping into my mind on days like this. when it is frigid in SF and lovely inland (although that won’t last – it gets really hot there – but that’s ok, there’s a pool – with an automatic cover). but for the time being, I’m fantasizing about a house on a vineyard where my kids can run around on green lawns, play in the park right behind the house and I can buy this. . .
nesting, my friends, is a $^@!#.
Today’s dilemma
First, did you guys know that tomorrow is Friday already? I’ve spent the day in a cold medicine-induced stupor you wouldn’t believe. You can imagine how relieved I am to be sick now and not coming down with whatever malady I’m experiencing next week at this time. Somehow I managed to get some work done and finalize all of my paperwork for the trip (which I will have to check tomorrow because of that drug-induced haze (see above)).
Second, let me tell you how much I’m liking my previously hyper-conservative doctor, who just prescribed every single thing I asked for (like Elimite for Etta, Cipro and Ambien for me) and a few things I didn’t (including an oral scabies med for me in case I come down with it). She even threw in a prescription for altitude sickness and encouraged me to look into grapeseed extract and probiotics for the gastric stuff. Who knew?
So, here’s the deal. Emirates gives its travelers a free voucher for a hotel in Dubai on the outbound and return flight. It’s a 13 hour layover on the way to Ethiopia. Staying at the free hotel requires me to (1) leave the airport, clearing customs and obtaining a visa (easy to do), and (2) return to the airport by 5:30 in the morning (probably not so easy to do when you’re jetlagged). I don’t mind leaving the airport, and the visa is only a tiny issue since I’m pushing it with respect to blank passport pages. I have plenty to get into Ethiopia, but depending on where I’m stamped for Dubai, there isn’t a lot of room left. That alone makes me a little nervous.
The bigger issue is waking up in the middle of the night to get back to the airport and into line for security. There is a way to bypass this. . . staying at the airport at the hotel within the Emirates terminal. From what I understand, you don’t even leave the secure area of the airport, so you’re able to go immediately to the hotel and right to your gate, bypassing the security issue entirely. The downside? The hotel is about $240 a night, which is steep for ~12 hours. I know some of you have done this. Is it worth it? I’m pretty sure we’re going to do it on our return (layover is only 8 hours), but I’m wondering if I should do it on the way to Ethiopia.
Any guidance?
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Etta’s Hats
Where I’ve Been
