A conversation with my not so color blind eye doctor
I went to my eye doctor today to get my new contact lenses checked. As she was peering into my eyes we got onto the topic of children. I mentioned I was about to have my second, which of course led to the usual confused glance at my stomach (which thankfully does not look like it contains a baby bump) and my explanation of Etta’s impending arrival. When informed where Etta currently resides, her brilliant response?Â
“Oh, so she’ll be one of those dark-skinned babies, then.”Â
Huh? I should have put that in quotes, since I, in fact, said “huh?”
“Well, yes, if she’s from Ethiopia, she’ll be dark-skinned, of course, but that’s ok.”Â
“Oh,” I said. I’m articulate like that.
“Well, sure, it will be quite a contrast with your blonde hair.”
“I guess so. I didn’t think of her as an accessory, but I suppose it should make for interesting family portraits, since my son was born in Vietnam.” Just to see where she’d take things.
“Hmm, that is very odd, isn’t it? Do you think they’ll be able to like each other, given their cultural differences? You know, you’re very lucky to live in this area of the country. In some areas people wouldn’t be as understanding.”
“Understanding of what? The fact that members of my family have different skin tones?” . . . refusing to touch the innate cultural differences issue (since we all know how loaded Vietnamese – Ethiopian relations can be, jeez).
“Yes, it can be very confusing. Just the other day I was at my son’s soccer game and I was talking to a very nice Hispanic man who was pointing to a boy on the field, and he seemed to indicate that he was his son, but this boy was very white. It just gets very confusing to know who belongs with who.”
“Right, maybe we could dress alike to make it easier on everyone.”
“That could be helpful, but it might be better if you’re just very clear that your children are adopted.”
“Well, my children were adopted, but that happened in the past, and it’s not a distinction I would want to make in any event. They’re just my kids.”
“See,” nervous laugh here, “it’s just all so confusing.”
Stupid people make me sad.
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Honestly, I think there should be a show on Oprah or something about this…..I think there could be a book filled with the dumbass things people say…..
What an incredible jerk!!! I think I would go to another eye doctor. Stupid people make me sad, too…I think that I may have been not so polite to this person.
oops, should have clarified – she’s my FORMER eye doctor now. I walked out without buying my contacts.
ugh
Wow. Why are do people have to be so stupid and ignorant?
I’m thinking tattoos on the foreheads so that idiots can match the parents and children.
Idiots.
Floored, surprised and yet, sigh, not. At least your “eloquent” shock (lol) brought her to some level of embarrassment over her own ignorant remarks. Kudos that she’s your former doc.
Former indeed! I run into this all the time, and now that Gabi is of the age of full understanding of what people say . . . we’ll, I’m sad this is something she’ll have to deflect all her life, this unfiltered instrusive ignorance.
Holy shit!!!
Wow. Just wow.
Seriously WTF..must be an eye doctor thing. My eye doctor asked me before I traveled “why did they get rid of her”…yes…our eye doctors could be bff’s!
I don’t even know what to say…speechless…and that doesn’t happen often! Sorry you had to have this experience!
Stupid people make me sad too!
Would you mind if I linked to this post on my blog? I just want to spread the word to the unknowing. No one would believe me if I told them.
I’m still having a hard time believing it myself. Feel free to link. I’ve been enjoying your blog.
The whole time I was reading, I was thinking you HAVE to be making this up!!! Then I realized you are completely serious. Ugh. Unbelievable.
I had the same experience at church. “Is she black?” was the question. Uh Duh – she from Ethiopia stupid (that’s what I wanted to say). Plus I am sick of people staring at us in the store and telling me how “lucky” she is. Personally we are the “lucky” ones to have her in our family. I pray I never did that to people prior to this adoption…if I did I am soooooo sorry.
Oh my! I am not sure which is the better choice – getting called the derogatory names that are so not pc in the south (at least then you both know the score and there is no pretence) or having to endure this type of totally ignorant conversations with supposedly liberal and open-minded Californians (where people try to act morally superior because they do not use those “names” because it is so not pc, but yet the attitudes are still the same). But you handled the situation with the silly eye doctor with so much grace. Sad, sad, sad! And even more sad, the eye doctor in their wildest dreams would probably never describe themselves as racists (I mean they even spoke to nice Hispanic man at the soccer game)!
Glad you walked away without buying the contacts!
I was chatting to someone the other day and mentioned how thrilled my Mom is about her first grandbaby’s arrival. This individual’s response was: “well I bet she wouldn’t be so thrilled if you were actually giving birth to a black baby instead of adopting one”.
Um?
It bothers me that they even think such things, but that they feel it’s appropriate / acceptable to say such things aloud???
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Fire your eye doctor! What a moron. I love how you wrote this post – it made me laugh even though it’s so sad how ignorant some people are.
Here from Deathstar’s blog. What an idiot. As a mom to one bio son and one son of hispanic heritage and one son joining us soon from Africa, I expect to receive stupid comments. I just hope that I can be as poised as you were in answering.
I wish people that make such ignorant statements would actually feel PAIN! DUH shhheeeesh
Can’t fix stupid…