Three

First, thank you all for your thoughts on my last post.  Honestly, when it was happening, I felt a bit disconnected, as if I could not be hearing what I thought I was. . . but I was, and she meant what I heard (even if she didn’t know what she was revealing about herself).  I knew that adopting a child from Africa would present issues entirely different from those involved in adopting from Asia, but I guess I wasn’t expecting to be hit with the race issue, even subtly, until she got home.

Second, I’m feeling a bit better about leaving Oscar.  I’m not happy about it (at all), but I do know that this is the best choice for this particular situation.  I’m really excited about having my very short window of Etta-only time in Ethiopia.  I’m even talking with the driver I hired about a day trip out of the city.  A very brief trip, obviously, since in addition to seeing the countryside, I am going to be spending time at both Etta’s orphanage and care center, shopping for a lot of items I can only buy in Ethiopia and hoping to meet with some members of Etta’s birth family.  Oh, and getting to know my daughter.  Clearly, the day trip will be the first thing to be set aside if things get too busy, but I hate the idea of going to Ethiopia and only seeing the city and not the countryside that is more indicative of where my daughter is from. 

I also don’t want to make the mistake of not buying gifts for Etta in country like I did with Oscar.  I just look back and shake my head with wonder when I think about the fact that I came back from almost two months in Vietnam with very little to show for it in terms of keepsakes for Oscar.  I’ve never been one of those people who comes home from trips with souvenirs.  I always think of the memories of the trip or the photos as the souvenirs, but I think it’s different when you’re bringing a child from another country home with you.  I guess we’ll just need to go back to Vietnam and do things right.

Third, can I tell you how excited I am about meeting Etta?  I feel a little guilty about this, actually.  My feelings this time are so different from when I adopted Oscar.  I was so concerned about him.  We had heard so many stories about many children dying in orphanages in the Northern part of Vietnam that winter he was stuck there, deaths as a result of simple little viruses, the horrible cold weather and the fact that the orphanages did not have heat (which Oscar’s now does, thankfully), and the fact that formula was in short supply.  Couple all that with the fact that I did not have a single photo of him where he looked anything but miserable and I was desperate to get him, but I wasn’t really excited to get him, if you know what I’m saying.

I know that my recollection of Oscar’s adoption is significantly colored by many factors, so it’s hard for me to truly remember what I was feeling, but I know it was not “this.”  I also know that whatever I’m feeling now is likely attributable in great part because of what I feel for Oscar now. . . how great it is to be his mom, and I simply assume that I will feel that way about Etta.  I guess I’ll get to see for real very soon, since I leave in THREE short days!

April 14, 2010 - Posted by Oscar and Etta's mom | Adoption, Ethiopia, Etta, Oscar