Time Flies
Can you believe it’s already been a month since Etta and I met? We’re slowly, but surely getting ourselves into a routine around here. Oscar no longer loses his cool each time his sister wakes up in the night (which thankfully is not often), and despite the fact that her chest rattle is still pronounced, he appears to ignore it now. It’s become similar to the noise of the cars passing by the house, I guess. I notice it more than he does, actually, especially when I listen to the two of them right after they fall asleep each night. I’m not sure who is louder, Oscar with his snoring or Etta with her raspy breathing. Together, in stereo, they have moved me to use my headphones when I watch television on my laptop at night, just to tune them out a little.
I broke down this weekend and admitted that I was going to have to make some adjustments if we were ever going to leave the house again. I’ve managed to figure out how to get us into the car easily, and car rides have been our outing of choice the past two weekends. Both kids seem to love them, and it’s a sure-fire way of getting them to nap. I’ve also figured out how to get us through a shopping trip at Targ3t. Sadly, though, if we are to do anything other than drive to and from Targ3t on the weekend, changes need to be made.
First, I bought a new child carrier. I managed to wreck my back the other day by lifting a tiny little book. That’s how old I am. Wearing Etta in her sling is no longer an option, so I got one of those ergonomic carriers, but without all that extra padding, etc. Not too hideous, I think.
I also bit the bullet and bought a double stroller. Given our car situation, obviously, any double stroller will be used solely at home (parks, etc.). Hence the need for the more usable baby carrier – I can carry Etta and push Oscar if I’m ever brave enough to head to the zoo – I’m psyching myself up for that this coming weekend). Since we’re about to move to a neighborhood that is far more stroller-friendly, though, I figured I’d try to help Norma’s knee by getting a stroller so she doesn’t have to wear anyone.
I’ve clearly been avoiding making this purchase. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s because double strollers are so incredibly expensive. Maybe it’s the fact I worry that Oscar is not going to let me push him in a stroller much longer. Maybe it’s because there’s some negative link in my brain to owning one (although I’m not sure what it could be other than their ugliness). Whatever the reason, I am the proud new owner of this:
It very well may be the largest stroller ever made, but for whatever reason, it’s the only double stroller that I like (and since this is last year’s color, I’m saving 34%, and you know I love a sale). I’m just hoping that Nanny Norma is big enough to see over it while pushing. The picture above really doesn’t give you the sense of just how big this thing is. You know you’re in trouble when the manufacturer posts a picture with a notation in bold that this product “fits through standard doors.”
Thinking through all of this, it occurs to me that one of the reasons I’ve held off on this purchase is that pushing a double stroller really announces to the world that I am a Mom. I know, I know. I’ve been a mom for a couple of years now, but having a second child pushed me into a new level of motherhood.
Being the mom of one child was really pretty easy. We were highly portable. Our equipment was minimal. We threw our tiny little Quinny stroller into our tiny little Mini and were on our way. If people saw us, they’d see a woman with a small child out and about. Now, there is nothing easy or portable about us. When people see us, they see a harried woman with two small children, one draped on her and the other either screaming on the ground or in a cart or stroller. Pushing the gargantuan monstrosity that is this particular stroller (weighing ~80 pounds all in with both kids sitting in it), I am far more visible than I had been before. I am also no longer a woman with a child. I’ve become a mom with two young kids. Somehow when my children outnumbered me, I lost my status as just a woman and became a mom instead.
When we’re out, I no longer get little smiles from other moms or remarks about Oscar’s cuteness. I get comments like “you’ve really got your arms full.” I get offers of assistance. Pitying glances. Acknowledgements that I do not appear to be capable of handling things on my own. Somehow this stroller makes all of that even more real. Buying it made me worry that the next step in my evolution as a mom will be to purchase a station wagon (a Volvo cross country, naturally; likely in navy). See, I’ve already taken the first step mentally.
When I was planning on having a second child, none of this really occurred to me. Clearly, I thought about the fact that life would be more difficult. That it would be much more challenging to simply get out the door. I never thought about the way people would see me, though. Or, more accurately, the way I would respond to the way people appear to view me. Actually, maybe what is challenging is not the way other people see me, but the way I see myself? I’ll have to think about that a little. Is this why people say that moving from one to two children was far more difficult than simply becoming a mom?
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Etta’s Hats
Where I’ve Been
welcome to my world… ha ha. Having one small child was easy, I never imagined adding another one would make going places so hard! today is one of “those” days where two is overwhelming so you should probably ignore me….
Oh, she is so beautiful!!! And that hat!!! You are killing me!
I’ve got the ridiculously huge double stroller…and boy do people love to comment! They always shut up when I tell them I have 6 more kids @ home!!! Maybe you should try that response next time! The look on their face is priceless!
Welcome to the world of double trouble! It’s never boring!
Let me just say that three days after returning from Addis with the twins, my wife and I threw them into the back of our little Mazda3 hatchback, drove to Carmax, and drove home in a minivan. If you think a double stroller screams “mom” then a minivan absolutely smacks you in the face with it. And then it calls all your friends so they can drop by and smack you in the face.
And yes, we have that same double stroller. At least it’s sturdy and you can put a lot of stuff into that bottom cargo net. And it’s vertical enough so that the first time we took the kids out for Ethiopian food, and they scarfed down everything in sight (much to the delight of everyone there), and our daughter then proceeded to projectile vomit it all up, she was able to clear the footrest and everything, with not a drop landing on the stroller.
Parenthood, oh yeah.
I don’t have a double stroller but I do have 2 kids…so amen to all of it!!
“When people see us, they see a harried woman with two small children, one draped on her and the other either screaming on the ground or in a cart or stroller. ”
Um, you just summed up my life. And the thing is, it’s not just what people SEE – it’s what really iS. No way around it. I’m still wondering what happened to my life – it’s all choices I made but wow, I didn’t think thru the fact I’D be the haggard lady with the crazy kids.
And the Volvo cross country isn’t exactly the station wagon with the wood panel sides from our childhood. You know you officially become a mom when you’ve made the mental leap to a mini van. Then you buy one. Then you love it. It’s called throwing in the towel. Embrace it. Because as a mom, mini van or not, there are a lot of areas where you realize that you’ve thrown in the towel. And that’s ok.
A Volvo station wagon sounds lovely simply because its not the minivan my husband insists we will need once we bring home our second daughter. As for the rest, nothing grounds you in motherhood like trying to handle two under three. Stroller is great, the baby carrier totally beats the sling, truly. Cracked me up tuning your two noisy breathers out with you laptop. Your baby girl is as beautiful as your boy. hmmm, so you’re the “pretty” family on the block. ;0)
The being outnumbered thing is the toughest! I never feel like either one of my kids gets enough of me- however it’s also one of the reasons I wanted two- so that I wouldn’t overfocus, hover, outrageously spoil my first! It WILL get easier to get out of the house……..
Love your pictures, both your children are sweethearts!!
Getting out of the house is the tricky part – visions of me with a double stroller for the twins, a baby carrier for the youngest and a five year old who needs to be instructed to remain at arms’ length is enough to make keep me a prisoner at home. But, boy once Baby Etta is a little older and she can play and interact more with Oscar – you will be in heaven. As much as I loved playing with the oldest, sometimes I just needed a five minute break from being his constant playmate. Now that I have more than one child, he has choices of people to play with and he does not notice as much if mommy is not totally there to listen to stories about Thomas and Friends for the millionth time. I drew the line at getting a van and instead got a Volvo XC90. Crazy thing is that I now have van envy – so much easier to negotiate strapping kids down in their car-seats in a van.
Looking forward to hearing about your travel experiences in Ethiopia if you ever get a chance to share.
YES to all of it! especially the ‘harried woman’ part. Every time I look in the mirror I think, “when did I start looking this TIRED?”. Oh, I know…Feb 13. lol Love the stroller…I have TWO double strollers. How ‘mom’ is that?
I was just thinking how much Oscar looks like Andrew when he looked over at Oscar’s picture and said, “Andrew!”. Can’t wait to get those two together this summer!
You might feel harried, but I don’t think you look it. Seriously, a lot of that is in your mind. I never had the experience you describe, my first adoption was infant twins. I felt so harried, like I always appeared not able to handle them in public etc. Then, when the twins were 3 years old, we moved toward another adoption, and since we are foster-to-adopt crazy like that, we did get an infant girl, and her 18 month old brother. So now there are 4, all within 3 years of each other. When I look back on my time with the twins, I really did have it together, I just didn’t feel that way. Now, with 4, I have a “get out my way, I have 4, and you have no idea” stamp on my forehead, so people tend to get out the way.
Seriously, I know you look classy, totally the have it all together mom. I bet that is what people are thinking when they see you. Take it from my retrospective wisdom.
Oh, and we now have 2 double strollers for the zoo. Oh my.
This raised some points I had not thought before. Something to think about. Thanks!