Oscar and Etta Join a Country Club
Okay, maybe it’s not technically a “country” club, but it’s a club nonetheless. A club with an initiation fee and monthly dues with a membership list that is restricted, so it feels a bit country club’ish.
Before I had kids, I had no idea that the lives of very young children were so incredibly busy. I figured one’s infancy and toddlerhood were the periods in a child’s life where the only thing they had to do was play, eat and sleep. And, maybe that is the case, but the child’s mom is apparently supposed to concern herself with where her child is playing, eating and sleeping. . . . and from what I’ve found, the kids are not supposed to be doing all (or even the vast majority) of their playing at home.
From Oscar’s first doctor’s appointment in the U.S., when he was about ten months old, I’ve been repeatedly asked whether he was enrolled in any classes and activities. Music? Tumbling? Gymb0ree? How about a playgroup? None of these things were realistic for Oscar when he came here from Vietnam. Looking back, it was ridiculous that my pediatrician, who knew what was going on with Oscar emotionally and developmentally, even asked. Back then, I just ignored the questions, thinking that if we ever got to a point where Oscar did not scream for the majority of his day, we’d look into this classes and activities thing.
Fast forward a couple few years and we’re at the point where Oscar does not scream for the majority of his day. In fact, there are some days when he doesn’t scream at all. I know, shocking. We have, in the past, enrolled (and even attended) music classes and swim lessons, and Oscar and Etta already do a lot of stuff at the library each week (storytime, yoga infrequently and crafts whenever offered), play at the park (which is usually devoid of children) and have some playdates. The thing is, it’s not enough. I know they’re supposed to be socializing more with other kids, and I know that because I have them home with a nanny, they’re not getting the same level of interaction that kids in daycare “pre-school” are getting.
One of the problems, of course, is that I am not a SAHM. Because of my employment status, my children are not eligible for membership in a lot of playgroups. Sad, but true. Playdates happen during the workday, and since I’m working during the workday . . . my kids are not playing with other kids. Hence the country club.
So, we joined this club, and it’s sort of fabulous. It’s basically just a humongous room with a bunch of different areas designated for different sorts of play with another big room designated for gymnastics and another area with a library and cafeteria (organic, naturally). There were a ton of kids there on Sunday when we first attended, and while most of Oscar’s play was still parallel, he did try to get an older girl to play with him on the gymnastics equipment. It’s a great place for him to practice many of the things he’s working on in OT, so I feel like that’s a huge benefit in and of itself.
The kids love it there. Oscar loved it immediately. He took off after two seconds of assessing the layout. Etta? She loved it after about an hour. Most of the time I feel like Etta has been here with us forever, but every once in a while I’m reminded of the fact that I actually adopted Etta from Ethiopia. Sunday was one of those days. She was very clingy and unsure about the whole experience initially, so we hung out in the baby section where she could kind of get a lay of the land.
After a bit of watching, venturing out into the play space and back to the baby section to regroup, she took the place by storm. Once she had the grown ups telling her how beautiful and brilliant she was (with her cocking her head towards me and grinning to make sure I heard), I knew we’d be all right. She played so hard that she took a two and a half hour nap afterwards to recuperate.
So, at least for the winter, they’ll be hanging out at the club, playing and taking a weekly art class, followed by music together. If this place were a bit like a real country club (read – with a pool, lounge chairs for mom and a beer cart (again for mom)), we’d be in for the long haul. But for now, it’s just someplace for us to escape the cold California winter. All three weeks of it.
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Sounds like something I need to find here in Chicago for our winter. All 5 months of it.
Are you kidding? I would have prepaid for an entire year if we lived in the midwest. Between the winter and the awful humid head in the summer, I wouldn’t be able to bear being outside hardly at all.
Sounds great! What is the club? Do they have a signature cocktail? ha!
I know. We joined the JCC this fall, because her PK/Daycare is there and you have to join. Ever since, I’ve been kicking myself for not doing it earlier…there are rooms, with toys, that I don’t have to clean, and playscapes, and other kids and….Selam walked in there with a “you’ve been holding out on me” look on her face…..yeah, we spend a lot of weekend time there, too!
um, we’re supposed to clean the toys at home?
I mean clean up after the toys….as in clear a path from room to room. I don’t clean toys. In a random aside, I used to volunteer for Ronald McDonald house and one of my jobs was to spray the toys with a bleach water solution every week. I remember wondering if normal households cleaned their toys this often. Fast forward several years…um, if it isn’t growing moss, I don’t touch it.
Phew, I thought I had totally missed that at home for the past three years! I am sure someone (Norma) has wiped something down at some time, but it didn’t happen with these hands.
That’s funny about your experience at RMH. My aversion from bleaching toys comes from working in a pre-school during a summer whenwas in college. The entire thing, cleaning toys and the kids put me off parenthood for at least two decades.
We have something kind of similiar here and i am looking into it. Sounds fab!
There are actually wonderful (albeit expensive) pre-schools out there (even though a whole lot of working families in the world don’t have choices other than “daycare” and even those can be pretty good). The learning in these schools is amazing! They get far more of what they need in terms of socialization and stimulation than the kids who have to stay home all day. But I know alot of families can’t afford any kind of day program. I’m glad you’ve found a great place for now!
I kept Oscar out of preschool not because of financial concerns, but because of significant developmental and emotional concerns. He’s getting far more of what he needs both in stimulation and in socialization from staying at home and attending selected social events each day or so. You know, he’s three. Three. Forcing a three year old who has an anxiety disorder to spend half his day in “school” so he can develop his social skills is ridiculous. As is the concept that he is going to learn things in this “school” that I’m not teaching him at home (which is my job). He’s a naturally social child, he’s making friends the old fashioned way, at the park, library and country club. I think we need to get away from worrying that our toddlers are not social enough and start worrying that we’re forcing them to grow up too quickly.
I appreciate the fact that most families are not fortunate enough (or choose not to spend the required funds) to have a nanny at home (let alone one with advanced degrees) and that some parents are more than happy to outsource their parenting responsibilities, but I’m nowhere ready to make the leap from that to the generalization that putting kids in day care / “pre-school” at 2 or 3 years of age is at all preferable to staying at home in a loving environment where a caregiver and/or parent plays the role of “teacher.”
I’m so sorry if you took offense at my comment. It wasn’t meant to be offensive! I’m really lucky in that while I do work, I don’t have to put in terribly long hours and my dd is with me as many or more hours a day as she is in pre-school so we don’t need a full time nanny or to outsource her parenting. However, I just wanted to put in my two cents regarding pre-school because she began to thrive and grow exponentially once I got her involved in school (at age 3)! I like to think I’m pretty darn good with her but I’m not a trained pre-school teacher – I’m a businesswoman! At some point the love and cuddles of mommy, while always necessary, need to be supplemented with structured activities and learning specifically designed for their congitive development. For all the moms and dads who do that successfully at home – my congratulations and admiration! I can’t do it at the level dd needs. I do have several friends with kiddos with special considerations and they have found amazing schools for their kids too just like you have with your ds therapists. I believe that as long as we spend good, top quality hours with our kids every day showing them love and affection and we make sure they get the stimulation and learning they need then they are going to be ok – no matter the approach! I just wanted to throw in my support of good pre-schools based on my personal experience and the experiences of my friends.