The abuse continues
You know, I really had been hoping that the head-butting, hitting, pinching and kicking that started to occur recently were random, isolated incidents. I am coming to realize that this violence is not going to stop on its own. Slugger came at us full force this weekend, slapping my face, pinching Nanny Norma’s cheek (the combination of which earned him his first time out, which was not a fun experience for him), kicking my head while I was trying to get him to nap and then, the piece de resistance, another head-butt to the nose yesterday afternoon when our dog Riley woke him up from his nap. We’re doing time outs now each time he’s at all aggressive, but I don’t know if that is enough. We’re also withholding his one piece of candy per day (a tiny little gummy bear) if he’s not nice. I’m not sure that he understands that, though. What do you all do? I don’t think it’s too early to discipline him; I just want whatever I do to be effective (or at least possibly effective – I know not all kids are going to react the same to methods)…
Still alive
It didn’t really occur to me until I started getting email that I haven’t been around here for a while. When I looked at the date of my last post, I was shocked at how long I’ve been gone. Very neglectful blogger, but I guess something has to give when you’re working 110 hours in a week.
No big news around here to report. Oscar is turning into a full-fledged toddler. If you don’t have one yet, that means tantrums. Big ones. In our case, exacerbated by the fact he can’t talk and only has about 35 signs that he uses so far. So, if he wants something other than a cookie, ice cream, candy, apple, cracker, bread, banana, cheese, milk, juice or a bath, we’re kind of out of luck. I used to wonder, though, how parents could deal with their kids screaming their little heads off. They’d always just say you don’t notice it. I get it now. You just ignore it. It’s one of those parenting skills that must naturally be imparted to us, I guess.
The only major thing that has changed around here is that we switched to soy milk (earth-shattering, huh). I cannot tell you the difference it has made in Oscar. I feel HORRIBLE for not making the switch earlier. The poor kid has had some intestinal “issues,” shall we say. I so dearly want to tell you the story of one of these issues, but because of the nature of cyberspace, I simply cannot. Anyway, let me say that soy has changed our lives around here. I actually think Oscar’s temperament has changed, too. He’s just happier all the time (you know, other than when he’s screaming about not getting whatever it is that he wants that he can’t tell me that he wants). He also “talks” a lot more. Just babbling, but more of it. I really think the discomfort he was in permeated his daily life. I can’t believe I let this go on for so long. I have been wondering whether he had issues with cows milk since we were in Vietnam, but having changed his formula to soy once and hearing a lot of negative stories about the hormones in it, I switched back and didn’t go back. Probably a mistake.
So that’s pretty much all that’s been going on here. Sad, really. We managed to get to the Children’s Museum yesterday to see some friends and meet a new US citizen from Vietnam (the gorgeous young Ella, sister of Billy, the most hilariously active 2 year old in the world). Oscar ran around like a crazy child chasing a bird, managed to get soaked twice in the splashing pools and enjoyed the train room, and was so wiped out from our time there that he was asleep within in 2 minutes of being in the car. If only today were more like yesterday…
How do I love thee?
I just watched this without hurling, and more importantly, without checking my blackberry once, this morning. My love for this child knows no bounds.
I’m minimizing the photo for your benefit. No reason we all have to suffer.
The shame
Okay, it’s become clear to me that perhaps I was a bit lax on my Easter bunny duties. “Lax” meaning entirely incompetent. Honestly, I didn’t even give it a thought. I was working all week, including 18 hours on Saturday and we had technically gone to an Easter egg hunt the week before (big mistake), so I didn’t really think the whole bunny and candy thing was a big deal.
Imagine my surprise this morning when I was deluged by email messages attaching adorable photos of cute little kids Oscar’s age (and YOUNGER) in their beautiful Easter attire with their perfectly adorned (and stuffed) baskets full of toys and candy. I didn’t even know that the bunny is supposed to visit your house like Santa does, let alone give the poor kid candy. I mean, I did drive through McDon@ld’s yesterday while Oscar was napping after the zoo and buy some chocolate chip cookies, but I’m going to go ahead and guess that doesn’t count. One of my secretaries even tried to make me feel better by saying Oscar wouldn’t even remember this (implying that it would have been a huge mistake had been a little older). Jeez, I figured the whole Easter day thing was a bigger deal for kids a little older, who could appreciate dying eggs and what not. I learned my lesson, though. I vow to take holidays more seriously. I am going to rock Earth Day like you’ve never seen. Game on, people. Game on.
A happy Easter
We managed to make it to the zoo for the second weekend in a row, and guess what happened? Oscar had fun again. This time he not only approached the animals, but he also approached two groups of older boys. He even let two push him around on the tractor after they told him he shouldn’t just sit there steering. And then he got uppity with me when I didn’t let him watch the carousel long enough. Who is this child? Two months ago I had to beg him to hang at the Discovery Museum. Sorry for the horrible photo, but one thing that hasn’t changed is the long list of victims of his destructive ways. Will have to replace the camera, since my hope that it would heal itself seems to have been in vain.
Mommy time
Now that I have spent a year devoting all my time to my precious Oscar, I think it might be time for me to take a teensy tiny bit of time off for good behavior. I just don’t know how to go about doing that without feeling guilty. Since adopting Oscar I’ve erred on the side of seting my “mommy time” at zero minutes per year – oops, sorry, I did get a massage while we were in Vietnam and hike in Bali, so it’s more like 120 minutes this past year. Either way, I’m thinking that might be too few.
My dilemma is compounded by the fact that I already feel somewhat guilty about working and not staying home with the little guy. Not that I actually have a choice, given my status as a single mother, but I’m a mom, so the guilt remains. Note that I do not feel guilty that he has a really comfortable life in a beautiful house with more food and toys than he could ever wish for (maybe not the toys, but you know what I mean). But I do realize that the most important thing is to have his mother around. Having said that, it’s become clear to me this past month, that having his mom around in a good state of mind is probably just as important.
So, moms out there. How do you strike the balance? How much mommy time is acceptable? What is a reasonable amount of time to spend away from your child for non-work reasons? I know there are no hard and fast rules, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.
from my last hike.
Done at one?
I’ve been pretty candid about my struggle with whether I should add another child to our family. I thought this struggle had subsided, but lo and behold, Sunday night’s vomit-fest threw me for a loop. Of course, it wasn’t the vomit that made me question having another child. It’s the fact that I, alone, had to clean up said vomit while trying to corral a very sick toddler and two dogs. This seemingly innocuous (albeit disgusting) task has prodded me into some fairly serious soul-searching.
Let’s start with the basics. I have one somewhat perfect child. I want another. But, then again, I also want quite a few other things in life, and this is where things get complicated. I am a single parent. I make all decisions regarding my child alone; I shoulder all of the responsibilities of having a child, whether financial, emotional or otherwise, alone; I worry about my child, and about anything that could impact my child, alone. And, for the most part, I’m ok with this. To the extent one can anticipate these things before having a child, I went into this single parenthood thing with my eyes open. In some respects, it’s been easier than I had anticipated. In some respects, far, far more difficult.
I find myself thinking about the reality of life with two children. Oscar is manageable on my own. We’re still pretty mobile; I can at least contemplate traveling with him (although I’m certainly avoiding doing it). With two? Are you kidding me? I know there are moms out there that do this – I’ve read your blogs – but I just cannot fathom it myself. I wonder how I’m going to deal with my career and the logistics of having two kids. Two sets of doctors and dentist appointments; two sets of classes, sports, etc. How am I going to cope with two kids who are sick at the same time? And don’t even get me started thinking about paying two college tuitions (but then again I imagine most parents don’t let themselves think about that prior to getting pregnant/adopting or there would be no children out there).
When I think of these things, I find myself wondering if I’m being selfish in questioning whether I should have another child. Aren’t these issues all just pointing to the impact another child is going to have on my personal time (to the extent I have any) or finances? Aren’t I really worried that a second child is going to be inconvenient for me?
What gets me here is that I had similar worries while I was waiting for Oscar’s referral (which none of you knew about because I didn’t start this blog until well after I had accepted his referral!). Not the same worries – likely because you don’t really understand what you’re getting yourself into when you don’t already have a child – but significant worries about whether I was making a huge mistake. Obviously, having him was the best thing I could have done in my life. So, my question is, do people more typically follow their heart than their head in their family planning decisions?
So foul
I believe I last posted on Saturday. A mere two days ago, but it feels like forever. Oscar caught a cold from Teacher Julia and it kicked into gear Saturday afternoon. By Sunday afternoon the Diaper Genie was full of a nastiness I lack the vocabulary to describe. I should have foreseen that this sort of gastrointestinal distress might not limit itself to just one variety, but somehow (whether out of optimism or sheer stupidity) I did not.
Oscar and I were lying on the sofa watching Classical Baby while he had his bottle. He finished it and appeared to be going to sleep when he was hit by a coughing fit. It subsided, but he sat up, looked at me and threw up. Just a little, but little did I know that was just a preview of coming attractions. I’ll spare you the details, but it was bad. Awful, really. I can deal with a lot of things, but vomit is not one of them, regardless of whether it’s mine or someone else’s. Vomit is my kryptonite.
Six hours later, Oscar, clean after four baths (I told you it was bad), was finally sleeping fitfully. I was left to deal with the residue. I had tried to clean the floors, sofa and walls earlier, but this was one of those times that made me realize how difficult being a single mom can be. There’s really not much you can do during these moments – I tried to place Oscar in the (empty) tub while I mopped down the floor in front of his bathroom, but he wasn’t having it. Understandably, he wanted to be held, so I had to leave the mess(es) alone, covered in towels, hoping that the dogs wouldn’t touch it either. Between cleaning the seven “impact zones” and trying to make sure Oscar stayed asleep, it took almost four hours for me to get things set right. Makes me seriously wonder how I’m going to do this with two kids.
Naked
Last night I yanked Oscar out of the tub after he had left a surprise deposit in the water. As I was scrambling to clean up, he took the opportunity to run, for the first time, naked through the house. Hearing him squeal as I chased after him made me laugh until I cried. Best moment as a mom so far.
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Where I’ve Been
