Something New, But Surprisingly Free
As I bundled together yet another enormous bag full of ridiculously adorable baby clothes (most worn only 2-3 times) from Miss Etta’s jam-packed walk-in closet, I had a revelation. I think I could save a considerable amount of money if I did not buy anything for a month. I mean, what’s the worst thing that could happen if I didn’t buy anything for a month?
My breathing just seized up there for a second thinking of it, but how bad would it be, really? I used to go for extremely long periods of time without buying anything just because I didn’t have any money to spend. I think I could do it again. . . right? I mean, it is possible to not spend money even though you have it available, isn’t it?
Well, I’m going to do it. Starting right now, I am freezing my bank accounts. The only exceptions will be (a) food staples for home use but no treats (other than one for each of the kids once per week), (b) absolutely necessary household cleaners (and none of the fancy ones I think I need), (c) payment of bills, taxes, etc., (d) diapers, (e) one tank of gas (it goes a looong way when you have a Mini), (f) my hair appointment on Friday (I’d cancel, but I haven’t been in 12 weeks and my root problem should not be seen by potential employers) and (g) possibly renting a car for our trip to Kauai. That’s it.
Know what that means? I’m not buying anything else. That means all of those enticing sale emails I get each and every morning from zulily, gilt, hautelook, theminisocial, onekingslane and on and on are going to be deleted. Yeah, I said deleted. Without reading.
I’m not going to tantalize myself with the knowledge of the amazing deals I’m missing out on or the adorable little dresses Etta could have had for a bargain price. Why? Because Etta has more adorable bargain dresses than any girl needs. And Oscar needs nothing else from Mini Boden, even with the 20% off coupon I can feel calling me from my inbox. He’s good. Even more importantly, I’M good. He doesn’t really need that Mini Cooper convertible ride-on that’s $50 off. Seriously, he doesn’t need it. He can learn to ride that bike I got him last year that he doesn’t touch.
I’m not going to permit myself to purchase anything for me, either. That includes photography workshops, camera equipment and software. Oh, and camera bags. Someday soon I’ll share my recent acquisitions with you, but until then, let’s just say I don’t need to be shopping either.
So, there it is. Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.
Oscar and Etta Go Shopping
Etta’s first visit to a store where she was not locked in a cart, stroller, baby carrier or someone’s arms.
When the going gets tough
I know, I know . . . I’m a total cliche. My career pretty much ends and how do I cope? Shopping. Lots and lots of shopping.
I wish I could tell you that I faced the fact of my derailed career with a maturity befitting my years, but instead, I first hit the chocolate and followed up with retail therapy that would make your head spin. Because of my over-indulgence with my new best friend Miss Carb O’Hydrate, I wasn’t inclined to shop for summer fashions for myself. Instead, I outfitted my kids at the G@p and Mini B0den sales and then turned my sites to the main course. P0ttery Barn Kids.
I’m not sure what I was really thinking, but armed with a 10% off coupon (seriously, 10% – the same amount as our state sales tax), I deluded myself into believing that the kids would be utilizing a “shared space” (those of you who get the PBK catalog know what I’m talking about) and sort of lost my mind for a little bit. First, I decided that Oscar was going to actually sleep in his own bed before he hits puberty. Whatever. At least the bed and nightstand were on sale:
So, then, of course, I needed bedding. All of a sudden, I decided we needed a theme. This, by the way, is where the whole thing breaks down. A bed and table? Fine. The kid is going to need these, but . . .
Do Etta and Oscar need coordinating quilts, shams and sheets?
Does Oscar really need this wall hanging?
Does Etta really need a Hawaiian hibiscus mobile?
or a bath mat shaped like a surf board?
or an octopus?
See? I told you it was bad, and you know there was more, including custom surfboard growth charts personalized with their names:
Seriously, I bought these. I think they’re four feet long. Each.
I think that’s the worst of it – oh, if you ignore the custom artwork I had done for the kids by a woman on etsy and the frames, of course, for the art. Looking back, I tell myself it could have been worse. There were a few hours there when I seriously contemplated buying the bunk beds Oscar kept pulling me towards in the store. Thankfully the vision of the E.R. visits that would have been inevitable resulted in clearer heads prevailing. At least for the time being.
Time Flies
Can you believe it’s already been a month since Etta and I met? We’re slowly, but surely getting ourselves into a routine around here. Oscar no longer loses his cool each time his sister wakes up in the night (which thankfully is not often), and despite the fact that her chest rattle is still pronounced, he appears to ignore it now. It’s become similar to the noise of the cars passing by the house, I guess. I notice it more than he does, actually, especially when I listen to the two of them right after they fall asleep each night. I’m not sure who is louder, Oscar with his snoring or Etta with her raspy breathing. Together, in stereo, they have moved me to use my headphones when I watch television on my laptop at night, just to tune them out a little.
I broke down this weekend and admitted that I was going to have to make some adjustments if we were ever going to leave the house again. I’ve managed to figure out how to get us into the car easily, and car rides have been our outing of choice the past two weekends. Both kids seem to love them, and it’s a sure-fire way of getting them to nap. I’ve also figured out how to get us through a shopping trip at Targ3t. Sadly, though, if we are to do anything other than drive to and from Targ3t on the weekend, changes need to be made.
First, I bought a new child carrier. I managed to wreck my back the other day by lifting a tiny little book. That’s how old I am. Wearing Etta in her sling is no longer an option, so I got one of those ergonomic carriers, but without all that extra padding, etc. Not too hideous, I think.
I also bit the bullet and bought a double stroller. Given our car situation, obviously, any double stroller will be used solely at home (parks, etc.). Hence the need for the more usable baby carrier – I can carry Etta and push Oscar if I’m ever brave enough to head to the zoo – I’m psyching myself up for that this coming weekend). Since we’re about to move to a neighborhood that is far more stroller-friendly, though, I figured I’d try to help Norma’s knee by getting a stroller so she doesn’t have to wear anyone.
I’ve clearly been avoiding making this purchase. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s because double strollers are so incredibly expensive. Maybe it’s the fact I worry that Oscar is not going to let me push him in a stroller much longer. Maybe it’s because there’s some negative link in my brain to owning one (although I’m not sure what it could be other than their ugliness). Whatever the reason, I am the proud new owner of this:
It very well may be the largest stroller ever made, but for whatever reason, it’s the only double stroller that I like (and since this is last year’s color, I’m saving 34%, and you know I love a sale). I’m just hoping that Nanny Norma is big enough to see over it while pushing. The picture above really doesn’t give you the sense of just how big this thing is. You know you’re in trouble when the manufacturer posts a picture with a notation in bold that this product “fits through standard doors.”
Thinking through all of this, it occurs to me that one of the reasons I’ve held off on this purchase is that pushing a double stroller really announces to the world that I am a Mom. I know, I know. I’ve been a mom for a couple of years now, but having a second child pushed me into a new level of motherhood.
Being the mom of one child was really pretty easy. We were highly portable. Our equipment was minimal. We threw our tiny little Quinny stroller into our tiny little Mini and were on our way. If people saw us, they’d see a woman with a small child out and about. Now, there is nothing easy or portable about us. When people see us, they see a harried woman with two small children, one draped on her and the other either screaming on the ground or in a cart or stroller. Pushing the gargantuan monstrosity that is this particular stroller (weighing ~80 pounds all in with both kids sitting in it), I am far more visible than I had been before. I am also no longer a woman with a child. I’ve become a mom with two young kids. Somehow when my children outnumbered me, I lost my status as just a woman and became a mom instead.
When we’re out, I no longer get little smiles from other moms or remarks about Oscar’s cuteness. I get comments like “you’ve really got your arms full.” I get offers of assistance. Pitying glances. Acknowledgements that I do not appear to be capable of handling things on my own. Somehow this stroller makes all of that even more real. Buying it made me worry that the next step in my evolution as a mom will be to purchase a station wagon (a Volvo cross country, naturally; likely in navy). See, I’ve already taken the first step mentally.
When I was planning on having a second child, none of this really occurred to me. Clearly, I thought about the fact that life would be more difficult. That it would be much more challenging to simply get out the door. I never thought about the way people would see me, though. Or, more accurately, the way I would respond to the way people appear to view me. Actually, maybe what is challenging is not the way other people see me, but the way I see myself? I’ll have to think about that a little. Is this why people say that moving from one to two children was far more difficult than simply becoming a mom?
One
I hate to be a pain, but I do think I’m going to password protect some of my posts while I’m away. Just feeling a little too exposed and would like to know who is out there. I think sometimes I forget that adding a family member is usually something done in private, behind hospital doors (while screaming and cursing), etc. Even without the absence of hospitals and cursing (we all know there will be screaming), I somewhat feel compelled to have a modicum of privacy. Having said that, I’m happy to give out the password to those in the adoption community, please just let me know who you are.
So, I leave tomorrow. I’m not at the point where I get all sentimental and wax philosophical, so this is not going to be that post. Instead, I’m going to share with you the brilliance of my child, Oscar. This morning Oscar awoke in a mood. I think it has to do with the fact that he knows I’m leaving and he’s just unsettled, but of course he could just be in a snit. Sometimes when these moods hit, I let him watch a movie on the laptop in bed. Today, I turned on the movie Cars, which he is just starting to love. He watched for a while and then jumped out of the bed.
I thought he was just done and wanted breakfast. In a couple of seconds I hear something scraping along the tile in the bathroom. Then a thud, like a heavy plastic toy being dropped. Then the scraping. Intrigued, I peer into the hall to see my son lugging his toilet from the bathroom. He brings it into the bedroom, where I think he’s going to place it on the floor and do what he needs to do. Nope. My little guy lifts the toilet over his head and places it on top of the bed, where he climbs onto his mini throne and pees while watching his movie on the laptop on the bed, looking at me like “why was I the one who had to think of this?”
My son, the genius. Sorry there weren’t photos from the earlier incident, but I was in a bit of a rush to get the toilet off the sheets. This is just a snapshot of Oscar before he went to music class this morning. Isn’t he beautiful?
I know I was supposed to stop my shopping, but the other day I was at the site of another mom adopting from Ethiopia with my agency and the urge struck again. I showed some restraint, but just had to place an order for the cutest little diaper covers ever . . . they’re called “bloomers,” I believe, but I have a bit of a tough time saying that aloud for some reason. Whatever you want to call them, look how cute they are!
Honestly, if you have a little girl in diapers, you should totally check out her website. In fact, you should check her out even if you don’t need bloomers. She’s fabulous and she does amazing custom embroidery!
Shhhhh…..
We can keep this (30% off at the G@p this weekend) just between us. I, of course, won’t be using this coupon. Well, maybe for just a few basics. I mean, 5% of sales will be donated to charity, so that’s good, right?
What is happening to me?
I’ve gone a little overboard with the shopping lately. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle. I buy clothes for Etta and then I feel like I’m overlooking Oscar and turn around and get him something. Today, it was this:
That’s right. What every two-year old needs. A Mustang convertible pedal car in his favorite color, red. Granted, it is his birthday present (if I manage to hide it properly in the basement for the next four months – as if that will be possible) and it was on sale for almost half off on gilt, but let’s face it, it’s sort of an extravagant purchase. That’s only because Etta’s wardrobe is getting out of control.
I went out to lunch with a friend for the first time in eons on Friday. We might have had a few glasses of wine, which required us to spend some time ambling around in the rain (thankfully my friend never goes anywhere without an extra umbrella and a selection of cashmere scarves, one of which she wrapped oh-so-Parisianly around my freezing cold neck) before I drove back to the office and she back to her little ones at home. I’ve been great about not going out and spending tons on clothes. I tend to do my damage online, with the requirement that everything I buy is significantly on sale (at least 40% off – usually more). Great rule, but I find myself gravitating towards boutique items for Etta for her lounge-wear. Now, I’m no longer satisfied with only Baby Gap, which is (along with J Crew (clearance sales)) my mainstay for Oscar.
I did a little damage on Friday shopping with K, but it could have been worse. I hung tough and bought nothing at less than 50% off (but that’s 50% off Luna Luna Copenhagen prices, so still more than I should have spent). I’m drawing a line in the sand now, though. I think I’m through shopping. I might need a few onesies and a couple bows (my new obsession), but I’m clamping down on the rest of it. I will not go buy the $42 ballet slippers in that pearly gold. I won’t. She’ll be around 6 months old when she gets home. She doesn’t even need shoes.
I’ll leave you with a few of my recent, more reasonably priced, purchases.
Selfish Shopping
I’ll admit, the surprise court date kicked my nesting instinct into gear. I’ve been making purchases for Etta since last summer, thanks to online clearance sales and going out of business sales (check out Ginger and Scallion, not a whole lot left, but Etta just raked it in at 50% off, free shipping and no tax, and I got a new hotsling for $25). Seems like I really had imagined that she would be far older – like a two-year old. Almost all of the clothes I had purchased for her were meant for an 18 month old at least. There are some really great coats in Size 3, even. Obviously I needed to stock up on some appropriately sized clothes.
In addition to Etta’s amazing wardrobe (really, it’s something else; she’s going to be looking great until about age 3, when I file for bankruptcy; I wish I had some of these things in my closet, honestly), I’ve been making some major purchases for Oscar. Lots of workbooks and activity books and all kinds of educational materials geared towards increasing his cognition (we’re working on letters, colors and shapes currently) and many a toy or piece of equipment to enhance his “sensory diet” (that’s sensory processing talk). We have a mini trampoline on our way that I really hope will be helpful (at a minimum, it might save one of the beds), as well as a weighted blanket in a super-plush fabric that I hope will be as “magical” as people say, and some musical equipment, including egg shakers and, help me, a drum. Still working on finding some interesting objects with flashing or colored lights that are appropriate for a two-year old, so any leads would be appreciated. I ran across this odd rubber whomping worm thing with a light that flashes when hit that’s a good start, but we need more. Oscar is “sensory seeking”, so the thought with all of this is that if his day is filled with a variety of sensations, his life will be easier for him. He won’t get as wound up, he won’t (literally) bounce around as much and his mind will settle a little, helping him focus a bit better. I’m tempted to keep these all as gifts for him when Etta comes home, at least the trampoline and drum, but just don’t know.
So, I’ve done that, but that is not the shopping that has me perplexed. Today we made a run to Target, and I came home with new bedding. You’re saying, “so what”, right? Okay, I’ll explain, but first – whoever came up with the idea to have a children’s story time at Target on Saturday morning, complete with gift bags (with goldfish crackers, juice and candy!) and balloons, is a genius. Seriously, I love you and will shop at your store many more times.
Back to the shopping. I walked out of the store today basically with a new bed. From mattress pad to shams and everything in between. But none of this was for Etta or even for Oscar, who theoretically at least will be bed-less when his sister arrives, since she’s taking the crib he’s never used. It was for me. Isn’t the nesting instinct supposed to be for the child you’re bringing into your family? Not yourself? I’ll even add that I didn’t stop at the bedding. I added a dvd player for my room (albeit the very cheapest one), and when we got home, I went downstairs, absconded with the unused television next to my unplugged treadmill and redid my bedroom. Since we’re believers in the Family Bed practice round here, perhaps I can tell myself that this wasn’t entirely self-interested? That Oscar will sleep easier on the new sheets and under the really soft new comforter? And we’ll all be happier now that I can entertain Oscar with some movies in the morning while I attempt to gain precious minutes of additional sleep?
The reality is that I think I was getting embarrassed by my bedding. Or, the lack of bedding. We’ve been cobbling together whatever blanket and sheets I can find a couple times a week and I really haven’t liked it. I’m pretty sure I haven’t had “bedding” since I lived in Dallas (um, 4 years ago). I was sort of living like a guy (in fact there was a little hole in one of the sheets I disposed of today, I cringingly admit). Now we have a pretty bed (well, the bed was always awesome, we now have pretty linens) and a little 26″ LCD tv in the bedroom. See, not living like a guy anymore. What guy would own a 26″ tv?
I’ve decided I’m going old-school with Etta’s bedding situation. I’m re-converting the crib from a toddler bed into a crib and putting her next to my bed. From what I can tell, the kids at our agency’s care center sleep in cribs, so as much as I love the co-sleeping for attachment purposes, I think I might be better off in the long run if I keep her in a crib. We’ll see how that goes. Oscar’s room apparently will officially be a playroom when we move the crib. Extra room for toys, ugh.
Single digits tomorrow!!!
Ever notice
that when I get stressed out I spend money? Yeah, I picked up on that too. Luckily for me, today I spent it all on clearance sales at J Crew and Athleta for my boy and me, but still. . .
Tears of joy
Can I tell you how much I love my son? How perfect he is? Yesterday we were sitting at my computer in my home office doing a little online shopping at gilt.com (weekends are when they have their fabulous children’s sales, of course), and he started pointing at the clothes he liked, getting all excited and “talking” at the screen. So excited that he hopped atop my desk to grab the computer. My baby loves to shop online! I could weep with the knowledge that he is so very much mine. My little guy loves a bargain as much as his mommy does!
The important stuff
I have to buy a rocking chair. I cheaped out on it when I was waiting for Oscar, partly because I just didn’t think one would be all that useful, but also because I loathe those wooden gliders. I get that they’re comfortable, but they’re HIDEOUS to me. I’ve come to see their utlity, but I simply cannot get past their unattractiveness. This is leading me to buy an upholstered rocker or glider, which are surprisingly expensive. I’m looking on craigslist, since I’m chintzy and optimistic that I’ll be able to find a super buy, but I think it’s unlikely. Plus, I’d have to move it myself. In my Mini. I don’t think so.
So, I’m faced with this dilemma. Here are the only chairs I like, only a couple of which are within a range I would pay (although not happily):
This one is a decent buy (meaning I would pay the same for a regular chair that was in the living room). I could easily slipcover it to match my sofa and use it afterward. It seems pretty comfy, so I could also read to Oscar and Etta when they’re a little older.
This is a ridiculous chair, really, but I sort of love it. I don’t think it would be terribly comfortable, and I’ve sat in chairs from this manufacturer before and that was the case. They’re great for modern style, but perhaps not so much on comfort. It’s uber expensive, but on sale right now. I just don’t think I can justify it. It’s very unique, but it’s also about $300 more than the white chair.
Again, really like the style, but this one is grotesquely expensive. Just including it cause it’s pretty.
I’m more a French Country type of girl, but I do like the simple lines of this. It’s definitely on the lower range of the upholstered chairs, which keeps it in the running.
Love the look of the slipcovered, and this one isn’t too terribly much more expensive than the basic white above, which I would slipcover later. Probably would get a different fabric, but they have a great selection of choices that aren’t too girly for me.
I almost bought this one off craigslist, but it was pink and the girl still wanted $800 for it (albeit with the ottoman). Brand new and less than half the price, but PINK. I think the quality of the chair is likely to be superior, but jeesh.
That’s where I am. Anyone have a chair they’d recommend?
Four eyes
Oscar needs glasses. Not a surprise, given his eye condition. The “eye thing” appears to have improved externally (no more ptosis and less “shakiness” of his pupil), but possibly has worsened internally, meaning his vision might be really bad now. I like to think the worsening of his vision might explain why he frequently bonks his head when I’m carrying him through doorways. Well, I like to think that, but that might be more accurately attributed to my lack of depth perception.
I just don’t know how we’re going to get him the correct prescription. How do they do the exam on a kid who cannot talk (oh, but we’ve got him quacking like a duck now, so there’s some progress on that front – maybe quack once if the letter is clearer with the first lens; twice if it’s clearer with the second – you’ll get it if you wear contacts or glasses)? We’ve been waiting until he could communicate in some fashion, but I’m pretty concerned that he really does need glasses now, though. When we watch tv on the sofa on the weekends he screws up his entire face squinting to see the screen. I guess I could get an even bigger tv, but glasses might be more practical.
I suspect I’m supposed to buy him those generic industrial frames in light blue plastic in a nondescript shape. Not happening. I got my first pair of glasses in the 9th grade, and I’m not sticking my kid with unattractive frames. Sure, he’s only two, but he’s the most handsome two year old ever. He needs glasses as stylish as he is. Plus, after the damage I did last weekend buying clothes for Baby Etta? Holy. Crap. Let’s just say Oscar should get his due. I went to a couple of opticians, and I was kind of surprised by the choices. Aside from the crummy D0ra and Di3go selections, most of the “toddler” glasses were actually quite mature (read that to mean – way too mature – like some look disturbingly similar to mine). I found one pair I really like (although I have to drag the kid in to try them on, so who knows how they’ll look on his sweet little face). Preferences, anyone?
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Etta’s Hats
Where I’ve Been
