Today’s dilemma
First, did you guys know that tomorrow is Friday already? I’ve spent the day in a cold medicine-induced stupor you wouldn’t believe. You can imagine how relieved I am to be sick now and not coming down with whatever malady I’m experiencing next week at this time. Somehow I managed to get some work done and finalize all of my paperwork for the trip (which I will have to check tomorrow because of that drug-induced haze (see above)).
Second, let me tell you how much I’m liking my previously hyper-conservative doctor, who just prescribed every single thing I asked for (like Elimite for Etta, Cipro and Ambien for me) and a few things I didn’t (including an oral scabies med for me in case I come down with it). She even threw in a prescription for altitude sickness and encouraged me to look into grapeseed extract and probiotics for the gastric stuff. Who knew?
So, here’s the deal. Emirates gives its travelers a free voucher for a hotel in Dubai on the outbound and return flight. It’s a 13 hour layover on the way to Ethiopia. Staying at the free hotel requires me to (1) leave the airport, clearing customs and obtaining a visa (easy to do), and (2) return to the airport by 5:30 in the morning (probably not so easy to do when you’re jetlagged). I don’t mind leaving the airport, and the visa is only a tiny issue since I’m pushing it with respect to blank passport pages. I have plenty to get into Ethiopia, but depending on where I’m stamped for Dubai, there isn’t a lot of room left. That alone makes me a little nervous.
The bigger issue is waking up in the middle of the night to get back to the airport and into line for security. There is a way to bypass this. . . staying at the airport at the hotel within the Emirates terminal. From what I understand, you don’t even leave the secure area of the airport, so you’re able to go immediately to the hotel and right to your gate, bypassing the security issue entirely. The downside? The hotel is about $240 a night, which is steep for ~12 hours. I know some of you have done this. Is it worth it? I’m pretty sure we’re going to do it on our return (layover is only 8 hours), but I’m wondering if I should do it on the way to Ethiopia.
Any guidance?
Another update from Addis
Etta “is now at the care center. She is a smiley beautiful little baby. I loved on her and got you some more pictures.” Yay! What am I going to do with a smiley, happy baby? I’ve never had one of those before. Wait. Maybe Oscar was a smiley, happy baby before I got him and I turned him into someone not so happy for that first year. I probably should not go down that path, right?
We spent most of the weekend packing. Well, other than the twelve hours I spent working (first time in a long time I had to spend such a concentrated portion of the weekend toiling away on something other than scrubbing floors or finding creative ways to humor my toddler). And when I say “we,” I mean I packed and Oscar tried to unpack everything. And when I say “tried,” I mean did. I bought some of those huge containers of chewable vitamins and Oscar took each and every. single. one of them out to play, signing “eat” to me. As if he didn’t have a nice big container of them all his own in the kitchen that we had opened earlier in the day. All of Etta’s things are packed, as are our orphanage donations, I’m just having a difficult time figuring out what to pack for myself.
The weather reports I see all forecast days in the 70s, but my iPhone weather app has been saying it’s 85-91 in Addis when I check during the daytime there over the past week. Friends who have returned recently talk about it being hot, but some of them are from places where the weather quite cold now. I would err on the side of overpacking (which is not a challenge for me, believe me), but I’m going to be pushing 50 pounds on both of my pieces of luggage. I’m betting I’ll hit the weight limit on the carry on as well. I am incapable of minimalism. Eventually I will thrown in a few pairs of jeans and cargo pants, with a number of t-shirts and call it a day, but apparently I’m not there yet. I suspect there is some part of me that is dreaming that I will pull together the perfect ensemble that will put Etta immediately at ease, happy that this stylish woman is to be her mom. Even I am laughing at that one, as are my parents, who witnessed via Skype yesterday young Oscar spending a few minutes examining my hair and noting for all that my roots might not be the precise same color as the rest of my hair. Even without words he made himself very clear.
Current goal is to have both bags zipped up by Saturday morning, which will be one week before I’m supposed to depart.
I didn’t say I wasn’t going to count down at all. I’m just not going to do it every single day (at least not yet).
Le Dilemme
I’ve been thinking for months that I would fly Emirates to Ethiopia, but I’ve been poking around online for fares, etc. as I await news of my embassy date and I noticed something that has made me question my first approach. Emirates was perfect when I was flying with Oscar, and without question I think it’s a better airline than any of the other choices flying into Addis. However, it seems it’s possible to fly through Paris. Normally, I wouldn’t be idiotic enough to leave an airport on a layover. Unfortunately, though, no matter how I design my trip, I’m laying over somewhere for a considerable period (whether that’s DC, Amsterdam, Dubai or the City of Lights).
Both flights depart at about the same time and arrive back home at about the same time. On the return trip, I’d leave Addis 4 hours later for Paris than for Dubai, meaning I’d have a normal layover there instead of the 8 hours in Dubai (so Paris is the winner that direction). On my way to Etta, I’d have a 13 hour layover in Dubai, and I’d bypass the free hotel and just pay for a room at the in-terminal hotel, meaning I’d do nothing but sleep. Smart, no? On the Paris route, I’d have an 11 hour layover, and I’d bypass the hotel option entirely and head into the city (requiring me to both exit and then enter airport security). I’d slam some Ambien on both the way to Paris and again on the overnight flight to Addis. The flight from Paris gets me into Addis almost 5 hours earlier in the day, so I’d get to meet Etta a little earlier.
This is my struggle. The grown up answer to this question is that I should stay in Dubai and sleep, but this is my first taste of freedom in over two years. This will be my first day I’ll be away from Oscar and the last opportunity at something like this for a long, LONG time. . . not complaining, just noting. I almost feel like I need to do something with it that is more significant than sleeping. I do know that in a few months I’ll look back at this and think that there is nothing more significant than sleeping, but for now, the prospect of wandering around Paris for a few hours, seeing some sites seems like a lot more fun.
I have a whole slew of reasons that make taking the Paris option sound reasonable – (a) I won’t be taking much carry-on luggage with me on that leg, so it wouldn’t really be inconvenient; (b) there are more flights from Paris to Addis (either direct or indirect) than there are from Dubai, so if something happens to my scheduled connection I’d have more options; (c) “it’s the journey, not the destination” and (d) (my favorite) because of my socio and political mores, I’d prefer not to travel through the UAE; I’d rather my daughter and I not spend our time and money in an area where women are not afforded the same rights. I know, ultimately, I know I should take the adult option and sleep, but I thought I’d share my daydream with you.
Holy cow
I just looked at the calendar and saw that if I get the embassy date I think I will, I will be on a plane one month from today on my way to Etta. I guess I should start talking to a travel agent.
I am not going to lie, my fingers are frozen right now. One month.
Now what?
Thank you all for your sweet comments and wishes for our newly expanded family. For those of you who remarked, either here or on FB, about this all seeming like it flew by, you have no idea how accurate you are (well, with the exception of the four-day period immediately preceding the court date, which was torture). How fast was it? Well, when I accepted my referral I told myself that I was not going to start whining about getting a court date until 6 weeks after my referral. I put reminders on my Outlook calendar to notify me when each week had passed. This morning I looked at my calendar for next week and saw the reminder for next Tuesday – “Week 5 Finished”. . . and yet, I’ve already passed court and am waiting for my Embassy date. Unbelievable. What’s surprising to me is that three families, including mine, went onto the baby girl wait list within about a week of each other. We received referrals right before Christmas, January 8 (I remember because this made me #1) and then one month later on February 8 and yet we all passed court within two days of each other. Bizarre how that ended up working.
What happens next? Apparently I am waiting for Etta’s birth certificate and Ethiopian passport, which will then be delivered to the Embassy, along with a bunch of other docs, I imagine, in order for our Embassy appointment to be scheduled. We’ve been told end of April/beginning of May, but who knows? I think 6 families with my agency passed court this week, so hopefully we’ll have one or two nice travel groups.
In the meantime, I’ve put together a little gift for Etta that will be taken to her by a super generous and sweet mom with my agency. She’s leaving to pick up her son in just a couple of weeks. Another friend is just returning from Ethiopia right now with her daughter. She loved on Etta and took tons of pics and some video, so I can’t wait to get the details from her.
I’m also working on her American name. She is currently named Dink Alem, which means amazing world. Obviously, I love the name, but using the word “dink” in a house with a child from Vietnam does not seem appropriate. I’m 99% sure I’m naming her Gabre Ella Grayson (Gabre is an Ethiopian name), but I’ve changed my mind before, so . . .
So, that’s where we are. I’ve already started packing. Pathetic, I know, but it gave me an opportunity to take out Etta’s pretty little clothes (not that I’m taking many of those with me to Ethiopia – we all know the risk of giardia and blow-outs; I’m thinking we’ll take the basics and save the pretty stuff for home). I’ve been buying bows and headbands for my beautiful big bald baby and am even thinking about moving the crib into my room to get Oscar used to the change before I leave for Ethiopia.
Wait, did you get that? Yeah, “before I leave”. Not we. The accelerated timeline I am now on is not going to allow me to have much time in country. I just don’t think it makes sense to fly Oscar more than half way around the world, subject him to jetlag and then turn right around and subject him to another 33 hours of travel in which he can’t sit on my lap because the girl in all of those pictures is already on it. I hate the idea of leaving him at home, but I think it might be the smarter choice. Especially since reading the blog of a family who just traveled with their toddler son who passed out a day or two after arriving in Addis. He’s fine, but it really served as a reminder of just how exhausting travel can be. Of course, I’ve changed my mind on this twice already. . .
Thank you
You all are so wonderful, thank you for all of the thoughts you’ve shared both here and via email about my travel dilemma. I have not made a decision yet, but have sort of figured out that there’s no clear winner on this issue. If I don’t take Oscar, I will wish I had, and if I do, there will certainly be portions of the trip when I wish I had left him home in his familiar surroundings. I really appreciate hearing from all of you, including those of you who have taken your little ones and would not necessarily recommend doing so. I’ve only really read of families who say that they’ve taken their toddlers and look back and wonder why they were so worried about it. I’m happy I don’t have to make a decision today at least, and I’ll get the benefit of watching a few other families go before me, both with (Debbie!) and without their children. Speaking of the latter, please wish J well – she leaves tomorrow for Ethiopia to bring her beautiful daughter home. She’s one of those private bloggers, so I can’t direct you to her myself.
Tomorrow’s a big day – down to a week away from court, J leaves for Ethiopia AND . . . something else equally important is happening.
The Great Debate – Trans-Continental Travel with a Toddler?
Okay, I may have been a bit delusional optimistic when I said that I was taking Oscar to Ethiopia to meet Baby Etta. I am in the midst of quite the internal struggle on this, so I thought I’d see if any of you have some thoughts on the subject.
Here’s the situation. Oscar and I have had some attachment difficulties, although we’re in a good spot right now. He’s even learning to separate from me more easily than he has in the past. While I’ve never had to leave him overnight to travel for work, I have had to work overnight, which is the same thing to him. He does fine with it, although he is understandably a little more clingy when I return. I haven’t left him for more than one night, though.
I obviously have two alternatives – take him to Ethiopia or leave him at home. Escort is a third, but that’s not for me. If he goes with me, I’ll take my mom as well. If he stays at home, he’ll be there with Nanny Norma and both of my parents (whom he adores).
Taking Oscar to Ethiopia:
Pros:
- Oscar will be there when our family is “created”;
- Oscar will get to see Etta’s homeland (although this will really mean that he’ll see the Addis Ababa airport twice, a guest house, an orphanage (which actually worries me) and a care center and maybe Sidama);
- Oscar and I will not be separated;
- We would avoid the situation where I return from a one-week long absence to a stressed out Oscar, who sees me holding another child, and that child does not go away;
- We might be able to visit Etta’s birth family;
- People say that newly adopted children transition more easily when other children are present;
- I will not be freaking out constantly worrying about Oscar;
- Since my official maternity leave won’t start until later in the year, traveling together would give us more time to bond before I have to return from “vacation” and get back to the office;
- I like being around Oscar, traveling with him and my mom could be fun; and
- Depending on our route, we could possibly tack on a couple of days in Rome or Cairo or even just looking around Ethiopia (you know I love a good vacation, even if it’s brief).
Cons:
- 17 hours in a plane with a non-verbal toddler;
- jet-lag after a trans-continental trip with a toddler (for all three of us – on both legs of the trip);
- I would be obsessed about keeping Oscar healthy en route and in country (mostly worried that he was going to get water in his mouth while bathing) and I’d likely freak about whether my mom would stay healthy, too;
- Oscar is hitting that picky toddler stage when he’s really tough to feed – he’s only eating fruit and cookies right now, which could be extremely difficult (but really, there’s always mac and cheese in a box that I could take with us; he’ll eat when he’s really hungry, right?);
- My dad would have to stay home, since traveling for 30+ hours is not a possibility, and that would suck for him and my mom;
- My mom would be constantly worrying about my dad; and
- $4000, give or take, in additional airfare, etc. That would pay for a lot of speech therapy.
Traveling alone, with Oscar at home with Norma, Grandma and Grandpa:
Pros:
- I would have a few days alone with Etta and an opportunity to get to know her, focused solely on her;
- I would avoid all of the “cons” listed above;
- I could theoretically travel to see Etta’s birth family (if possible);
- Oscar’s routine remains unaltered, with the bonus of having Grandma and Grandpa at his house, taking him to the zoo, beach, etc. during the week, with the added bonus that apparently Grandma remembers how to bake when she’s around her grandson, so there would be fresh chocolate chip cookies;
- I would be able to take Ambien both on the way to Ethiopia (arriving somewhat rested, since I’ll take Emirates and stay overnight in Dubai) and again when I return home (since I’d ask my parents to help with the kids the first two nights back – NOTE to my parents – I did not do this with Oscar, but I will be doing it with Etta; just a heads up if we go this route), so I think this is the clear winner if I’m focused only on jet lag (which I’m not – but four people suffering from jet lag instead of two is obviously a worse thing); and
- Who is to say that our family is “created” when I meet Etta and not when I take her to meet her brother?
Cons:
- I would want to make the trip as brief as possible, which could result in my not getting to see Etta’s birth family;
- From my perspective, a week without Oscar;
- From Oscar’s perspective, an eternity without mom, followed by her return with a baby who always wants to be in her arms – oh, and mom is really cranky;
- Our attachment journey has already been rocky; adding a child is going to hit it hard – doing that after a week’s absence could be very detrimental;
- This is the tougher option for Nanny Norma, since there will only be ~10 days between Oscar meeting Etta and my returning to work, instead of 16; and
- I really dislike the idea of not taking Oscar with me to meet his sister; I feel like this might be a mistake, although I can’t explain why.
Thoughts?
9:28 – Share
Oscar is the quintessential only child. He has no real concept of sharing or waiting for his turn. Two concepts we met frequently on our weekend get-away. We ended up riding the carousel half a dozen times simply because there was little to no wait, unlike his other favorite ride (Dumbo). He was able to wait patiently for a few minutes but anything more than five minutes got him to his boiling point.
I tried to use this as an opportunity to teach him the concept of sharing and your turn/my turn. Sharing is signed by opening both hands with the fingers together meeting at a 90 degree angle. Move your right hand towards the thumb of your left hand and then back to the right. The movement of the hand represents dividing up things that are to be shared. Oscar didn’t repeat this sign, but he’s getting hit with it hard right now, since I’d prefer not to have an over-indulged, non-sharing child.
An example? Here’s Oscar running to meet Mickey. Sweet, huh? Yeah, until you find out that he cut to the head of a line of at least 25 people. People waiting in line to meet Mickey are not nice. Not even to a cute 2 year old bursting at the seams at the thought of meeting a mouse. Just thought you should know.
The Second Happiest Place on Earth
I’ve been trying and trying to accomplish two travel-related goals prior to going to bring Etta home (which will only happen if I get a referral, I know, but these goals have seemed very important and somewhat urgent recently). 1 – find a way to get one paltry little day off work so I can go to Oklahoma to visit friends and family and 2 – find a way to take Oscar to Disneyl*nd for our Family Day without breaking the bank (i.e. I’m not paying anywhere near $500 just to fly to Orange County. I mean, seriously?).
I’ve had no luck with goal #1. I’ve waged an assault for the last two weeks to obtain a day off. Today’s request was to take President’s Day “off” (our office is closed but we are supposed to work). No luck. Apparently I need to be here in case mayhem breaks out once again. After hearing that “something” might be happening with respect to a matter(again), I received an email touting a tantalizing fare from San Francisco to So Cal.
I don’t know about you, but every single time I get one of those emails, the “special fare” is never available. Never. Here, it was only good for two days in the next three months, which ended up miraculously being weekend days, and we got the last two seats. This never happens to me. I’ve been pricing these tickets for a while, and I paid less than half of what I had been expecting! Yay – I might even be able to afford a pair of those mouse ears – not personalized, mind you.
Yes, I know it’s silly to take a 2 1/2 year old to Disneyl*nd. Especially one who doesn’t even know who Mickey is (I know – I have been horribly remiss in my parenting duties in this respect, too), but he does know what the castle and fireworks are (thanks to Meet the Robinsons - still his favorite film), so I think he’s going to be totally thrilled. Especially if I can find a hotel with a heated pool.
We’re going to Disneyl*nd!!!
Archaeology with Oscar*
*Guest Blogger Oscar
My mom woke me up at the butt-crack of dawn because she wanted to see a bunch of old buildings over by the ocean. She made me to go to breakfast at 7:00 am, even though she knows I need to have my first breakfast first before my official breakfast and she didn’t even give me any Cheerios first. So after we went to the restaurant and I refused to eat (duh), she made me get into a taxi (which she knows I HATE) to drive to some place called Tulum.
We got there a long, long time later and there was this cool tram thing that we rode in for a few minutes, but then I had to get into the stroller so we could go to something everyone kept calling the ruins. I didn’t understand the name, since I hadn’t been there before, so I couldn’t have ruined it. I’m sure I’m going to get blamed for it, though. My mom pushed me in the stroller for a while up a bunch of hills through a jungle and then we got out in the open and I didn’t want to sit in the stroller anymore, so I yelled “DA”. My mom just looked at me and pointed at this building and told me how old it was and stuff. Okay, whatever, lady. I just told her “DA” again and she pointed at some plants. C’mon, what’s the problem, woman? I gave her fair warning with a third “DA” and when she went to put me in the stroller, I just told her no (you know, by screaming and arching my back). Then I decided to just sit down. Try to get around that, woman.
Looks like she’s going to try to call my bluff, so I think I’ll pour on the tears. She’ll have to carry me out of here if I’m hurt. See, MaMA, my leg and my thumb are hurt (you remember, I cut my thumb last month). They hurt really bad right now. I think it might have something to do with the 97 degree heat with 95% humidity.
Holy crap. Mean mommy doesn’t even care that I’m hurt. She just kissed my owwies and told me to walk some more or get in the stroller.
Okay, she had to pick me up to carry me up the new set of hills. Mom says it’s beautiful. Um, what? Do you see what I’m seeing? Seriously? I don’t like this at all and I make that clear. Mom explains the guys on the right are just playing, but they’re obviously going to try to push me off the cliff. And what are these crazy people doing? Mom says they’re praying to a Mayan sun god. None of this is right. None of it. Get me out of here. NOW.
Mom at least is carrying me now most of the time, but I’m still not happy. At all. And why did those old people just tell mom that “they rarely continue to act this way when they get to the second grade?” I think they were talking about me. What does she know about any of this stuff?
Mom says she’s going to find something special just for me. I’m skeptical, but I’ve decided to give her the benefit of the doubt for a bit. And, get this, she scored! Look at this guy! Mom got him to jump around and even to run towards us a little. It was pretty awesome. After that mom said she wanted to take this one picture, so I let her, and then we hiked all the way down the hills again to get the stroller. Mom said she was surprised that it was still there, but why would anyone want that thing? Then I told mom I was thirsty and she looked at me funny, and we went into this one store where mom griped about spending $5 for a Coke.
After that, we went back to the taxi. Mom seemed to think that we were going shopping, but after a couple of stops at stores I made it clear that that was not going to happen. We just went back to the hotel to go swimming, which is what we should have been doing all day anyway.
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Etta’s Hats
Where I’ve Been
